Electricians, Roofers, and Red Riding Hood, Oh My!

Not so surprisingly, I am sucking at this Nanowrimo blogging thing, but surprisingly, I am doing well at Nanowrimo, with a word count over 34,000 words. Yay! I could make a bunch of excuses as to why I’m so behind in blogging, but the truth is, I’m just too tired to function properly. I blame the mono. It can take it up with its lawyer if it doesn’t like what I’m saying about it. I’d love to see a medical condition try and sue me, because I’ve got some lawsuits for it too.

I had such a hinky morning on Saturday, that I almost sat here at ten AM and posted a blog, got distracted, didn’t do it, and now here I sit. Therefore, I shall tell you all about Saturday morning. I’m sorry if this is making my blog sound like a bad song. I’m also sorry for taking you back in time. I have no real super powers except for procrastination.

In the spirit of that, let me just take you all back to last month’s electric bill before diving head first into Saturday morning. Last month, we got a bill for a whopping $214. Normally, our bills are around $89 and have never gone but a few dollars over $100. Clearly, something was wrong. After going round and round with the electric company and realizing that, like a honey badger, they don’t care, we decided to have an electrician come out and go all over our house, second that it wasn’t something with our electric and indeed the meter that had the issue, have our electrician write a letter, and then send the letter into the power company and try and see if they’d do something that way. We didn’t have much hope they would, but we were pulling ideas out of our rears at this point.

After awakening at the ass-crack of dawn for the electrician to come, things got a little special, and not just because it was early morning and I was minus some strong coffee. It was around the time that the electrician was supposed to come, and I looked out the window to see that, Hark!, he had arrived on time. I put the dogs out and waited for him to come to the door. He never came to the door. I yelled to my mom to let her know the electrician was here. We both congregated into the dining room and waited some more. Nothing. My mom looked out the window and noticed he wasn’t there. He had essentially ran away and we didn’t know why.

My mom went into the living room and picked up her phone to call him to find that he had called her. Her phone had never gone off, probably because it gives itself the lols doing that. My mom called him back, and he said he was just down the road and would be right back. We remained confused as to why he never came up and knocked on the door, but just sat in his van and drove away instead. Wonder and you shall get an answer.

As we greeted the electrician, he immediately apologized for not coming to the house, then said this: “I didn’t want to knock in case I was at the wrong house, which is why I called when I got here. This is Western Pennsylvania. I’ve had someone answer the door with a gun when I was at the wrong house once.” He was forgiven for his strange behavior.

And, as it turns out, the guy was pretty fun. The biggest disappointment was that he was already married. I almost asked if he was happily married, but then I remembered I’m not a man stealer and only like single men. And, if you’re wondering, we did find the problem with our electric, and at least part of it was us, though it doesn’t seem like it was enough to bring the bill up that high. Long story short, our neighbor did some illegal digging behind our house on a hillside. It completely changed the water flow and caused us a bunch of issues since we have well water, before we could get the township to stop it. It happened to screw up our water heater by clogging it with dirt, making the water heater run constantly just to try and warm up the water. We’re working on getting it fixed and going from there.

Directly after that, a roofer showed up. Lately, my room had decided to become a breeding ground for mold. When I said this to my mom, she said she was aware the roof was leaking over there. That’s just awesome to know. I’m so glad she was on that. Now, it’s so bad that I had to move half of my furniture out of my room, and it’s complete chaos in there. Not only that, but my closet runs around the same outer wall where the leak is, so stuff from my closet is everywhere so it doesn’t get ruined.

To add to that, I have a mouse that has lived in my wall for about four years. I lovingly call him Leonard. Leonard is generally a good mouse, who, in his time here, has never eaten any electrical wires and stops running around like mad when I tap on the wall. I don’t know the life span of a mouse, but I’m fully aware that there’s probably several Leonards, but that’s neither here nor there. Recently, someone much larger and louder than Leonard has somehow gotten into the walls and moved into the inaccessible crawl space above my room. I’ve come to the conclusion that I believe this creature to be a squirrel because it sounds like it’s rolling nuts around up there. God, I hope it’s a squirrel. Irregardless, I needed a name for him. Since I already had a Leonard, I went for Sheldon because it was larger and much more annoying than Leonard. Big Bang Theory fans, I totally went there on purpose.

As we were explaining this to the roofing guy, he said that he was choosing not to tell his men so that when they pulled that part off of the roof, it would surprise them and they would scream like little girls. I already love this guy, plus, he thinks because of the type of damage we have, the insurance will cover it. The only problem is that he can’t do it until warmer weather moves in, so now we’re trying to figure out if we can tarp this sucker or not. If not, my room is technically in three rooms now so things don’t get ruined.

To seal the fate of my new love for the roofer, and by love, I mean he was super funny but I have no interest in him at all, these two things happened.

*He gave us a packet of papers about his company. As he pulled the first paper out, he noticed the second paper was upside down. He went to turn it around and noticed the third paper was upside down. Before it was all said and done, he came to the conclusion that they were all upside down. He looks at us, back to the papers, back at us and very seriously says, “Have a few drinks, turn them around and give them a once over.”

*We said our goodbyes and he departed. A few minutes later, we heard him pull back into our driveway. Both of us went around the house to see what was going on. He proceeded to roll down the window, peak his head out, and say, “I thought I forgot my sunglasses here,” and then pointed to his head. They were on top of it.

On a totally random and unrelated note, has anyone seen Red Riding Hood? We had a free movie rental code from RedBox and it seemed like the best thing in there, what with being an Amanda Seyfried fan and all. We weren’t expecting much out of the movie, but another big reason we rented it was because Catherine Hardwicke had directed it. Nothing against Twilight, but if someone could take a sub-par novel with horrific grammar and poor editing and turn it into a fantastic movie, even for someone who isn’t into vampires, then I had to wonder what she could do with a twist on a fairy tale. You know what, Folks? If you haven’t seen it, do so. It’s not scary and it’s not gory, but holy crap, it’s a ride trying to figure out who in the heck the wolf is. And it’s beautifully directed. You can’t ask for more. Well, you could, but then you’d just be greedy.

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