If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, then you’re aware that I like to crack jokes about my (nonexistent) dating life. Some of them probably aren’t that funny, because they’re probably true. The truth is usually never funny when you think about it too hard. So let’s not think about it that hard. Today, in a moment reminiscent of Leonard on the Big Bang Theory comparing his and Penny’s almost-to-be sex life to relationships with their parents, I had a moment that made me go, “I know what I did wrong there.” And it’s true. And it’s also funny.
It was fifty some degrees today, a welcome change in the normal February weather that Pennsylvania brings. This doesn’t seem important to the story, but really, the weather alone is what made the decision for me of leaving the house. I had to get dog food. I either did it today in the nice, warm weather, or I waited until tomorrow when it was freezing again. Lucky for me, I’m not as stupid as I look. Since I was near a Redbox and had a free rental code, I took my soiree over there post picking up dog food. (For which I got two boxes of free treats and two free Beneful Prepared Meals for my dogs.)
Lately, the joke has seemed to pick up that God is really doing me a favor by not letting me date. I have horrible taste in men. I like the men no one wants to see coming out of their daughter’s house in the morning even five years into the relationship, or I just dig guys that are much older than me. It’s fine, because I know this. So does God. That’s why he makes sure I don’t meet men. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. Today seemed to be an exception to that. He had some kind of faith in me today. Sorry to disappoint you again, God.
When I got to Redbox, there was a lady in front of me and a lady looking at the big poster of what movies Redbox had to offer. Suddenly, as if the Bubonic Plague hit, those two cleared out, and a perfectly nice gentleman appeared behind me just as I was about to step up and start looking through what movies they had to offer. I turned to him to ask him if he knew what he wanted, as not to hold him up, because I didn’t have a clue. He didn’t either. We ended up both up at the machine at the same time, going through movies together. It was nice. It was cute. The Heavens opened up and God was smiling. I ruined that one right quick.
Folks, out of all of the movies in the Redbox machine that a twenty-six year old grown woman could have picked, I picked Monte Carlo. While he was watching. Look, I love Selena Gomez. I was looking for a cute, mindless movie to watch. I knew it was predictable. I knew it was targeted at people younger than me. I knew there was a hot guy, older too, without being too old, standing there just waiting to discuss what movie we were going to pick. And I went and got Monte Carlo and ended that conversation. He looked away, like we were strangers that just met and didn’t know each other at all. He took a step back from me. And I just went right on ahead and didn’t really care or notice right away because I was too excited about getting to see Monte Carlo. I didn’t care much once I did notice either.
I know what I did wrong there.
On a totally different note, have you ever been watching a show, saw an actor or actress on it, and thought to yourself, “I know who that person is, but I can’t place them?” Of course you have. We all have. Then, predictably, you are too lazy to look up who that person is on IMDB while you’re thinking of it, and then when the show is over and you’re done with your day, you totally forget that you wanted to do it and you never end up finding out who the person is unless fate lovingly comes along and jumps up and down in front of you and yells really loudly? Fate liked me today, and I didn’t disappoint fate. Yet.
At one point, about two years ago, I was watching an episode of one of my favorite shows, Criminal Minds, as I had newly found the show and was attempting to catch up on all the seasons. I had a, hey, I know that guy moment, but I never looked it up. In those two years, I’ve moved on to catching up on other shows, like Flashpoint and Veronica Mars. I turned the television on tonight, and that episode of Criminal Minds where I knew the guy and couldn’t place him happened to be on. He was a main character on Veronica Mars. Now I know how I know him. So see, today wasn’t all bad. I managed to not disappoint some higher power. Probably the wrong one, but we’ll take it, right?