The Things I Never Talk About

There’s a few things I promised I would never talk about on this blog, but I’m going to break that rule today. It’s probably going to get me in trouble somewhere, somehow, but I’m still going to talk about it. And you know why? Because at this point I have nothing left to lose, and maybe someone else can give me some advice or take some away from this.

As most of you know, I never date. I am vehemently not attracted to dating, and awkwardness, and most guys. I haven’t been on a date in five years. Nothing screams that louder. To be fair, I usually can’t meet people that I like and am comfortable with. There’s been a long standing joke that I would be the woman with fifty cats, yelling at kids to get off my lawn. In reality, it would be fifty dogs, but who’s getting technical?

Enter this equation into the mix. I met a nice guy. I know. Most of you have passed out from the shock. You’ve all known me too long. He’s nice, and I’m interested in him and seeing if there’s a mutual interest and if this could go anywhere. There, if you didn’t pass out before, you did just now. You’re welcome. And no, I won’t pay your medical bills. But in all honesty, you know how rare this is for me.

I know you all want to be really proud of me and think this is cute and what not, and it probably is or would be, except nothing is ever that easy in my life. You guys know my life. You’re not shocked by this. The anonymous guy I met (Unless one of our friends reads this, then oops!); we’ve gotten to be friends. I enjoy him. He’s funny, we’re a lot alike, and we’ve established we respect each other, which is half the issue in any relationship right there, just friends or more. I know what you’re all thinking. Where’s the problem? There’s more than one.

He and I, we have a weird relationship. He’s shy and odd with the way he says things, and I can’t understand if he’s interested in me or not. We have mutual friends who are also trying to figure this out, while not wanting to get involved, and quite frankly, they shouldn’t have to be involved. Every time I try to talk to him, I feel like I can’t get anywhere to find out if he’d even, down the road, be interested in seeing if there was more to the relationship than friends. I’m not pushy, just wondering. Lately, he won’t text me unless I text him, in which case we have a fun conversation, but then he’ll just stop texting me. Apparently that’s just him, but it’s very frustrating and confusing.

To be fair, I know I’m not the clearest person either. I realize I frequently complain to him about not being able to meet nice guys, when, in fact, that couldn’t be more insulting to him, because he is literally one of the nicest people on the planet. I spent an hour apologizing to him for things I’ve said to him today. So yeah, we’re both horrible at interacting with single friends of a different sex. Sue us.

I know what you’re all thinking. Stop texting and hang out with him. That’s the other thing, he’s away for the summer. I have no leeway here, and I literally met him two days before he left for the summer. Do you see why I always say my life thinks it’s funny? Everyone is telling me to wait until he gets back and see where it goes. If I don’t know if he’s interested, I don’t feel like it’s okay to wait for two months to see if something happens. I feel like that’s wrong and creepy. I feel like everyone is upset with me over this, and everyone’s telling me if he finds out I’m dating, he’ll think I’m not interested in him. I am, but there’s no way to talk to him about this, because trust me, I’ve tried, and it’s not fair for me to have to wait two months for something that might not happen. It’s also not fair to him for me to be the girl who waits two months if he’s not interested. This is one big circle of stupid.

I would like to take a minute to remind you that we’re both in our twenties. Go ahead, laugh.

So, gals, this is why I don’t date. It complicates things. And liking someone can seriously screw up a good friendship. I’m not the kind of person who ever wants to do that, nor would I ever shove my feelings on someone else and upset or confuse them, which is probably another large issue here. So now what? Suggestions? Thoughts? Ways to bury this post so the poor kid never sees this and gets upset with me?

Sadly, I know I’m not the only one who has been through this.

On another note, I’m probably going to try online dating. I’m not even really doing it because I want to, but just because I don’t want to sit at home all summer, staring at my shoes and wondering when the pizza man is going to arrive, because he’ll be my only conversationalist friend of the day. Let’s be honest, I need some new blog material anyway. I’m kind of just doing it for the stories.

EDIT: Alright, y’all, I’ve joined online dating. Not because I want to, but seriously, sitting and staring at my shoe all summer is going to just wear me the heck down.  I’ve already gotten a few messages from people who my spidey senses tell me aren’t going to murder me, hack me into pieces, or try to sleep with me on the first date. I feel a little special, which absolutely means this will go wrong somewhere and I will have stories for the blog. Wish me luck. (I really don’t want to be doing this.)

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