Awkward Turtle Marries Awkward Penguin

It all comes out in the wash, or “wersh,” if you’re from Western Pennsylvania. At least that’s what my grandma used to say. Well, Grandma, I’d like to see how the “wersh” can correct this summer.

Y’all know how I hurt my arm? And got bit by a tick and got Lyme Disease? While I was still taking medication for the Lyme, I got bit by a snake. Folks, I can’t make this stuff up. And you know what’s funnier? I didn’t even know I got bit by a snake. There I was, walking along from my house to my garage, when I felt something get my leg. I figured it was a bee, though it hurt worse than a bee sting. I kept walking. I paid no attention whatsoever to it, because I figured some little jerk stung me and was lying dead somewhere, suicide by their own bad choices. I approved. Then, two days later, the sucker was so swollen that I literally didn’t even have an ankle bone. My ankle just looked like one huge blob, and my ankle was so warm it felt like it was on fire. I took a trip to Med Express, where I was repeatedly asked if I was sure something had stung me. I hadn’t bothered to look down when it happened, so of course I was sure. No one should listen to me when I’m sure.

Long story short, I attempted to volunteer the other day, which failed miserably, but is beyond the point. Two snake experts were working that day. The one saw my leg and asked me when I got bit by a snake. I told her never. She explained to me that there were small, black snakes that could bite you and be gone before you’d even see them that lived in the area, and that the bite I had was definitely a snake bite. I went about my day. Later on, I went in a separate room and was given the same speech by the other snake lady. So, folks, I guess I got bit by a snake. Awesome. Good news, it’s getting better and I will definitely be fine. I can walk on it, but I’m not supposed to. Oops. I guess it’s another week’s worth of Warehouse 13 reruns for me.

I know a couple of you have asked me about a follow up to former blog posts. Here’s the thing, Dumbo the Amazing Elephant over here (ie, Me), has put her blog on Facebook, and now people who I know who also know the other person involved in the earlier debacle read my blog, and these happen to be the same people who don’t know about the entire debacle going on, but will figure it out. Therefore, I’ve kept kind of quiet about things. But then I thought about it and realized I’ve never been that quiet on my blog, and this is my space to talk about my life, so screw this debacle. Let’s girl talk.

My friend strategically sent me this picture last night. It explains my entire situation in one college dorm blackboard.

Right now, I have absolutely not even an inkling of a clue about what’s going on. What I do know is my life even laughs at my love life. I started out talking to said person who I do like nearly every day. I didn’t really know him until he left for the summer, and then we got to know each other through text. My thought on this is you tend to be more honest, more you through text, so we probably got to know each other better than we would have in person, so I think, in retrospect, it was a good thing. We talked nearly every day, then he stopped texting me. I’d text him, he’d always text back, and we’d talk, but after awhile he’d stop talking. Then I told him I liked him. We seemed okay for a little. Now I haven’t talked to him in a week and a half. Yes, folks, we have reached Awkward Turtle Marries Awkward Penguin mode. I think we’re just figuring this all out when he gets back, but he gets back soon, and who in the heck knows how that will actually go. I’m so confused. People wonder why I never try to date. This is probably why.

Half of the time I wonder if I’m a stupid girl for sitting back and calmly waiting until he gets home to see if anything will happen or if we’ll just remain friends, a point that I won’t push either way and will let him make the ultimate decision without discomfort since I’ve said my peace. This is such an interesting situation for me. I’m not the kind of girl who likes someone, or meets someone and immediately gets along with them. We’ll see if this works out in my favor. He’s a nice guy, and I’ve been looking for a genuinely nice guy for awhile. Fingers crossed, I guess. I just wish liking someone didn’t have to become such an ordeal for me. Why couldn’t I just be a normal girl? Is there a guide for what you do when your life becomes a Taylor Swift song (See: Enchanted)? Taylor Swift, you should get on that.

In other news, my mother has become more of a raging psychopath than ever. I can’t wait to move out. I’m scared to death she’s going to kill herself by doing something ridiculous and stupid hours after I’m gone, but I can’t stay here. She’s gone through my drawers and stole my stuff while I was at a friend’s and insists the food I bought is hers and fights me when I try to eat it while reprimanding me for not buying more food. Pittsburgh, we have an issue. We’ve all tried to talk her into getting help, because something is definitely wrong, but she refuses and becomes belligerent when we try to help her. We can’t say we haven’t repeatedly tried. And I do mean repeatedly.

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