You Should Have Known

Many of you reading this know me in some way. You know that I am typically a very sweet girl who gets along with almost everyone, is never angry and is quick to forgive. I go out of my way to be completely up front with others, step in when they need me, and never hurt anyone. Which is why I want to send this message to everyone and hope they will pass it on.

I have been doing a lot of smiling when all I’ve felt for the last six months is empty and a pain inside of me that leaves me paralyzed and unable to get out of bed most days, but I hide it. I have never been like this in twenty seven years. I went through a breakup last September that almost destroyed me. I thought he was it for me. He brought up marriage and kids first and on his own – in a year and a half for marriage and two for kids, to be exact. The next time I saw him, he broke up with me and then stopped talking to me completely. I never knew why; I doubt I ever will. It broke everything in me. I lost my other half. To make it worse, I was going through cancer testing at the time and needed him. He was the only person I wanted by my side, even if it was just as a friend. I struggled alone, because I am alone ninety nine percent of the time.

It took me four months, but I started to heal, and in the time between met a really gentle and kind guy. He told me he was tired of relationships that didn’t go anywhere and wanted one that did. He told me he wanted to be married in around four years. He’s going to another state for school in the fall for four years, but there was nothing that he said that indicated he didn’t want to make this work between us. He got extremely sick and I was the first one to jump in and try to help, going out of my way to call doctors at home to try and help get him in with them, even though I was quite sick myself.

Today I found out, via some texts he sent to a friend, that he never had any intentions of dating me through school or having a serious relationship. He lied to me, but he waited to show that lie until I had already gotten emotionally invested in him. All of that work I did over those four months broke down, and I’m in a worse place than I was six months ago, when it all started. On top of this, I find myself extremely sick again with no official diagnosis or seemingly no way out, having also had a nervous breakdown on top of being sick over all of this, and I know things could get bad.

The point is, don’t lie to someone. Don’t lead them on. Don’t make promises to them or bring up serious things that you can’t commit to and don’t mean. Always be honest up front and you will be respected. Moms, teach your sons and daughters this, because it is the most important lesson to learn. One lie, one little piece of information you hold back, could become crucial in someone else’s life. You don’t know what someone else has been through, or how hard they’re struggling just to hold on. You don’t know how one little thing could break them, or make them want to commit suicide, or depress them into a place they can’t get out of, or leave them crying hysterically and on pills just to sleep. Don’t do it. Ever. If you do you are nothing but an asshole and you do not deserve to be treated nicely or with respect, so don’t be surprised and act like the victim when someone calls you out. You deserve it. You should have known.

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