I Know Places We Won’t Be Found

One day, you wake up to find that your relationship with someone has suddenly changed.

Technology is a funny thing. It can open doors to people and worlds you would have never found otherwise. It can let you reach out to others in ways you never thought possible. But there’s a darker side – and technology can reveal that, too.

There’s not much you can’t find out if you know where to look. For instance, there’s numerous apps and tools that allow you to see who is viewing your social media profiles and blogs. That’s, unfortunately, how I found out I was being stalked … by someone I know.

I won’t get into the whole story, but the long short of it is that I looked into who was viewing my social media pages and blog and found someone who was visiting my Twitter and WordPress an unhealthy and abnormal amount of times. I understand that this happens sometimes and that it’s possible to pick up someone who becomes wonderstruck by you. I expect that, eventually, I will pick up someone I don’t know and they will check my profiles swift and often, and then fall bored of me and scurry off. It has and will happen to all of us in this day and age. It doesn’t phase me.

This situation was much different. This was someone I knew, was friends with and trusted. This person had been religiously checking my Twitter and WordPress, but never said a word to me. I don’t use my real last name on Twitter or WordPress in order to maintain some sense of anonymity in case I do pick up that one wayward wonderstruck person, nor did I ever tell this person I had either of those social media sites simply because it never came up in conversation. Had they asked, I would have told them in a heartbeat. When we talked, we focused on the starlit world in front of us and the magic we had at our fingertips. In order to find me, this person had to be specifically looking for me and had to dig deep to find me under a fake last name, especially when there’s millions of girls (Or at least I hope they’re all girls.) named Amy in the world.

Through all of this, the person never once said a word to me. Nor did they try to follow me on Twitter or WordPress. Had they, I would have gladly welcomed them with open arms. I was never trying to hide from them, but their trying to hide their constant following of me is, well, creepy. I don’t mind that they look at my pages, but to do it consistently and not say anything? To not follow me? That makes me uncomfortable. They had me at their fingertips. Anything they wanted to know about me, they could have just asked and I would have told them. But instead they chose to check my social pages at least once a day and never say a word to me about it. And what’s worse is that they broke off our friendship for a short period of time, but continued to check my social media pages daily.

I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I feel violated. I feel a little frightened. But mostly, I just feel confused.

I never went looking for their social media outlets, because I had no reason to. It never came up. It was never a conversation. And had I found out they had these outlets, I would have surely followed them, because that’s what friends do. I wouldn’t have checked their pages continuously and never said a word. It’s sneaky and it’s strange and it makes me feel like they don’t trust me or they were leery of me from the start. That’s a sad thing to feel in intimate situations.

It would be less violating if this were a stranger. But from someone I trust? The feeling in the pit of my stomach over this makes me sick sometimes.

Because of this, I’ve decided to move my blog somewhere I won’t be found by them. If you’re interested in following me, please comment on this post and I will make sure to privately get you the new blog information. But before I move from my little home on the internet, a decision that was difficult to make, I want to say this.

To the person who has been doing this – I am not mad. I am not angry in any way. But I am hurt. I cared about you and I still do. You meant something to me. I would have talked to you about anything, and I don’t understand why you felt the need to do this when you had access to me 24/7. One text and I would have answered you. I always did. I am an open door. You have the opportunity to talk to me about this and I will listen. But I can no longer allow you in my life like this, because even you have to know this isn’t right. Even you have to know how sneaky it is to be able to talk to me about personal pieces of you, but not tell me you saw my social media pages. If you want information from me, from now on in, you’re going to have to come to me, because I’m cutting off your lifeline. You don’t need it.

“And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad.”

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