It’s Always An Adventure

We got a little bit of snow yesterday. By a little bit, I mean we live right in a snow belt and were completely living in a white out. Add that they don’t come and plow our road unless absolutely crucial, and we live in a hollow, so all of the excess water runs straight onto the road and freezes, leaving our road the perfect little ice slick. With all of this comes a lot of boredom. Don’t get me wrong, I took pictures like a freaking tourist, because it was gorgeous. See?

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But it still made for a bored girl at home.

I started out my day with some coffee. Listen, the only reason I’m showing you this picture is because the whipped cream makes my snowman cup look like he has a hat. This makes me giggle.

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Since I was bored, I’m going to share all the random crap that occurred to me while being bored. I should mention that my mom had turned on a 24 marathon, and if you’ve never seen the show, it becomes the most debilitating thing ever, because you absolutely  have to know what happens. There is just one fatal flaw with the show. It over estimates human intelligence. For instance, Jack asked a civilian where they were kidnapped from. Their answer was “They kidnapped me at the corner of Mulhad and Culpepper.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I rarely know what road I’m on. A real person’s answer would be more like this: “You know that new WalMart they put in? If you take the road that runs parallel to it about a half mile and then turn down the road by that funky tree that got hit by lightening a few years back and go to that house with the gnomes in their yard; that’s where they kidnapped me from. I don’t know what road that is.”

These conversations also happened as a result of being snowed in. You’ve gotta love mine and Kat’s conversations.

Kat: “Ok, phew. I thought we were going to the lesbians with cats and doilies stage a bit prematurely for a minute there.”

Me: “I thought autocorrect corrected something and I accidentally hit on you.”

One time autocorrect made me accidentally hit on my friend’s mom. True story.

We have this disaster as well.

Kat: “Okay. So. Listening to Technologic by Daft Punk. So. Catchy.”

Me: “How catchy? Like, did it chase you down in a runaway vehicle and save your life or did it just accidentally grab the back of your shirt in a supermarket and didn’t let go?”

Today, I had myself a little adventure. For those of you who know me, you know adventures find me, and myself and adventures have a long history of ridiculousness. On this particular adventure, all I wanted to do was somehow wiggle my way off of my road for dog food. It was a little hinky getting out of my road, but I made it. Little did I know that was going to be the easy part of this adventure. I live in a trucker stopover town where there’s a bunch of gas stations and a Sheetz, so getting a small bag of dog food to tide us over shouldn’t have been that hard, right?

Wrong. Sheetz was out of dog food, which I had a feeling they were going to be. I went to Sunoco. They wanted nine dollars for a four pound bag of dog food. NINE DOLLARS! That’s highway robbery. I can get a sixteen pound bag for 9.99, but I’d have to go to an actual store. It turns out, that became my only choice; throw away money I didn’t have or make the trek to the nearest store ten miles away and hope the rest of the roads are pretty alright. I chose to take the risk on the roads, because it made me physically ill to get ripped off that bad, and the roads turned out to be fine, aside from our road.

The problem became that Target had Christmas cards on sale. As a former Hallmark girl, I get a little stupid when placed in a room with cards that are on sale and immediately convince myself I need them ALL. Long story short, I ended up with eleven boxes of cards. ELEVEN. I’m set for the next four thousand Christmases. Anyone needs cards?

 

Safe Sacred Honest – In Pictures

I know I’ve been promising for months and months now to show you pictures of this or tell you stories of that. I haven’t done it. I am a jerk. No, but honestly, I’ve had a really hectic, crazy, amazing, depressing, Sad Beautiful Tragic couple of months. It started on August 13th and has brought me to life and broke my heart over and over again. I was going to sit here and type the last few months for all of you to read and split it into several posts, but I decided I had a better way of doing things. I’m normally not much of a picture taker, but I have photographed the last few months religiously and Instagrammed the heck out of my friends nerves, so I’m going to share the last months with you through pictures, with accompanying music to listen to while you look, probably mostly from Taylor Swift (Though the songs may be pitched, since most seem to be to avoid copyright.), but not all. (I’m obsessed with her sound. I know!) That way you can see my life, I can squish it all into one post, and you don’t have to listen to me prattle on relentlessly. Though I do warn, there are tons of pictures, so be prepared. Get some coffee. Maybe something to eat. Get cozy.

I’ll just add some captions here and there with pictures. I know that some of my singular number upon singular number of readers may not be interested in this, but I feel I have to document the past few months for the sake of being honest. For remembering how it felt and hoping to forget how far it fell. I’m also doing this because I need to put the beauty and pain of those months in a safe, sacred place where I can find some peace, so I’m purging every picture, every thought, every last moment I’ve documented into this one post, and then we will move forward to better and more awesome blogging. (I hope.)

Me being me, the oldest young person alive (Hey, is there a ribbon for that? A trophy? Something?), couldn’t figure out in what order I should do this in. My first and obvious thought was to post the moments in the order of which they happened, but that’s what I would usually do. I’m trying to be more spontaneous and take things as they are, so I’m going to post them in alphabetical order, which is much more than my OCD can take. I’m even going to section them off by name. Look at me being crazy now. I’m so sad. Doing things in alphabetical order instead of chronological is my way of being crazy. There is therapy for that, right?

But first, I bring you this. It has nothing to do with me. I didn’t make it. I’m not even a fan of Star Wars, but in the words of Rachel Zoe, “I die” every single time I see this.

My 27th Birthday – November 9, 2012 – Seven Springs Mountain Resort

Song: When the Sun Goes Down – Selena Gomez

Alternate Song: Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) – Katy Perry (Even if there was no drinking at my party and we all know what we did. It was still on a Friday.)

The song that was actually running through my head the entire night: The Moment I Knew – Taylor Swift (Yes, I did invite the ex, who was so damn campy on being just friends after the breakup. Ironically, no, he did not come, obviously, or I wouldn’t have had this song in my head all night. This defined the end of our relationship. The moment when everything hit me was that night at my birthday party, and this couldn’t have said it better.)

This birthday party was supposed to include over twenty people. The day of, most crapped out and couldn’t make it. Pretty much all of them had valid reasons. One was having car troubles, another got a surprise vacation from her husband in the Bahamas, several were coming from an hour and a half away and just couldn’t do it because they were too tired after work. It’s kind of hard to get mad at people with valid excuses. However, this worked out wonderfully, because it ended up just being us girls, that being myself, my friend Becky, and my friend Tiffany. Becky came to my house and we rode the forty-five minutes together, then Tiffany joined us later for supper. This ended up being the most epically awesome birthday ever. Even though we were just forty-five minutes away, the resort made it feel like we were on vacation. And we did things we all suck at, and what you may not know about us is that the more we suck at something, the more fun we have doing it, because we know we suck and are just doing it to have fun.

First, we stated out bowling, if you could even call it that. The last two times I bowled were epically horrible. The first time, my friend and I bowled against an obliterated, drunk guy. Both of our scores together didn’t equal his. The last time I was bowling with Craig and two of his friends. We were all sober. All three of our scores didn’t match Craig’s near perfect one. My friends have similar stories. We all just really suck at bowling. Now we just put it into pictures for proof.

I have no idea what I was doing or why I made these faces. Why not?

This is the evolution of Becky walking toward the camera. These are why I love my friends.

This is Tiffany when she bowled and hit no pins.

This is Tiffany when she finally hit some pins. After three tries.

These were our “scores.” I don’t even think these even count as scores, they’re just that bad. I lost. Big surprise. And all of our scores? They still don’t match Craig’s. One day! (That’s a lie. We will never bowl a 209 collectively. Ever.) But my one friend did point out that if Becky and I switched places, we would be a BAT. Now I’m sad we didn’t!

In case you don’t believe a computer screen, here’s a physical print out. Yeah, we suck.

After bowling, we went and did something we were good at. We ate dessert. As you can see, Becky was thrilled with her hot cocoa.

Next came mini golf. We sucked at that, too, but that I won. I don’t know how. I just kind of did somehow…by the grace of God. Still, I don’t think we can really count it as winning, unless we were Charlie Sheen. Which we’re not.

Here’s our scores. More suck? Oh yes. But I sucked the least!

Afterward, we went back to my house and watched Magic Mike, while eating chips and cookies. By watch, I mean we just looked up when someone took off their shirt and have no idea if there was an actual plot to the movie. But before we did all of that, we decided to just go right on ahead and take pictures of ourselves with the flip view option on the iPhone. Oh, iPhone, why would you invent that?

Tiffany and I decided to take semi-normal, cute pictures of us, which is funny since we aren’t really normal.

Becky and I, not so much. We started out cute.

Then this happened. I think she was trying to kill me.

Then I realized she was just trying to be my lesbian lover. Ta-Da. (That last part is a joke, folks.)

Even though the invitations stated please no presents (To which Aunt Bev responded, “ARE YOU CRAZY?!), Becky was nice enough to unexpectedly get me something. First, there is this card. It is supposed to be cute and terrifying all at the same time. Even the inside of the card states it is. So, “Aww!,” “AHHH!”

She also got me this Taylor Swift shirt, because we all know how much I love Taylor! I love this shirt! It excites me so much! Not pictured is the pink crackle nail polish. I am a whore for nail polish, which is better than being a whore for boys, so it worked out wonderfully. Thank you, Becky!

Birthday Swag – November 10th and 11th 2012

Song: Enchanted – Taylor Swift (This will make sense as you scroll down further.)

I may have sang this a time or two…in the middle of the mall and not always to myself: Take Me On the Floor – The Veronicas

What was actually stuck in my head all day: The Last Time – Taylor Swift (Featuring Gary Lightbody)

Yes, I totally have to brag about some of my gifts. I’m sorry. I’m “That Girl” now. It’s fine.  These gifts are all from my mom. Aunt Bevt gave me money to get Taylor Swift tickets, but they were so expensive I almost threw up. I kept the money and bought a blender and a Hello Kitty vacuum cleaner. It seemed more reasonable and adult-like.

But let me just tell you, this was the wrapping paper all of my gifts came in. All of this glorious-ness! See why I had to share? Isn’t it perfect?

I will soon be moving, though I don’t know when since I am waiting for the girl currently in the apartment to buy a house and move out. Mostly everything my mom bought me revolved around that. She was really fond of the kitchenware, but look. It’s a spoon. With a dog. IT’S A DOG SPOON!

And a flower spatula.

AND A KITTEH SPATULA! I am crazy about this thing. Never will I ever again find a boy I love more than this spatula. Ever. Been there, done that, now it’s all about the kitteh spatula.

I love all things Peanuts. This was definitely an aww, and it’s Lennox!

There once was a nail polish kit at Target that one, myself, fell in love with. I bought it for a friend and was deeply saddened that I could not have it for thy self. Alas, my mom found one and bought it for me, knowing I wanted to covet it so! (Yeah, that was really bad. I know, guys.)

I like pumpkins. I like treat dishes. I like Lennox. Ta-da!

Again. I like fall. I like dish towels. I like the things that help me get pans out of the stove without having to go to the emergency room with third degree burns. Ta-da!

No one better try and climb in my windows and snatch all my people up. I’m just saying.

My mom had been so excited about giving me my gifts that she gave them to me the day before my birthday. On my actual birthday, the 11th, we went to the mall to do some shopping and use all my yummy free birthday certificates. We started out in the dollar store. I like to buy ridiculously practical things and was out of name tags for my Christmas presents. I saw these and got excited.

Then I saw these and got excited all over again. They both came home with me.

In the same store happened to be Christmas dish towels. It’s a snowman. With a dog that is also a snowman. Really, seriously, how long have you guys known me? There was no way I could pass these up!

While trolling around, I found this little beauty at seventy-five percent off at Bon-Ton. Hey, every girl needs some decorations when they move, right? And I’m kind of obsessed with owls.

I am not ashamed to say I spent a good hour going from department store to department store trying to find someone who had samples or could let me sniff Taylor Swift’s new perfume, Wonderstruck Enchanted. No one could, but they all wanted me to buy the perfume. I don’t want to buy something if I don’t know what it smells like. With only one store left, we stopped in JCPenney and made haste to Sephora before they closed. Not only did they give me a sample of the perfume, but they signed me up for a card in which you get something free for your birthday with a purchase. It was my birthday, so I made a purchase. I got this for free.

And this, obviously, was my purchase, which I barely paid anything for and mostly just bought my friend a gift. After smelling the perfume I fell in love with it. I’m sure that you would be hard pressed to guess that I’m obsessed. It’s cool.

Christmas Village – November 25, 2012

Song: Wonderful Christmas Time – Paul McCartney

This song is classic turned country. Loves it: White Christmas – Taylor Swift

The song that made me almost embarrass myself this season. You know, if I got embarrassed: Baby, It’s Cold Outside – Zooey Deschanel in Elf (Yeah, guys, I pulled this in Big Lots. I was the only one standing there when I started singing. When I stopped, I was surrounded by people. No one joined in. Scrooges.)

When I was a child, my grandma bought me many houses to make a Christmas village out of. Over the years, snow was added. Then, we decided to go all out with our many decorations and make all of our shelves festive. Actually, I worked at Hallmark, so we have a lot of crap. It looks shoved on the shelves, so the snow breaks it up and helps it go right along with the village. It’s a win / win.

This is my snowman shelf. That glowing thing? It’s a snowman wax warmer and it smells oh, so delicious.

This is kind of my schizophrenic shelf. It started out being all about Jim Shore pieces, but then somehow Peanuts needed a home and so did the birds, so this happened. I repeat, snow makes everything look better.

Then we have the shelf that started out as the reindeer shelf. Then I had two more snowmen without a home, and since they couldn’t fit on the snowman shelf below, this is what became of the reindeer shelf.

And now for the village. There are three sections to our television stand, and the village takes up all three of them, the whole way across, to form one cohesive village. Take a look! Left.

Right.

Middle.

My room needed some Christmas cheer. When I caught my mom trying to put away the “extra” lights and garland, I was appalled! There is no extra in Christmas decorating. I quickly hoarded it, taking it to my room and doing this with it. The garland will eventually come down, but the lights, let me not lie, they are staying.

My First Rocky Horror Experience – October 13, 2012 – The Hollywood Theater in Dormont, Pa

Music: This is apparently all the music from the show, so listen away!

If you think this theater looks familiar, or the cast, you would have seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The Rocky Horror scene was shot at this exact theater with the same shadow cast helping them out. The whole movie was shot here, in fact. Don’t believe me? Proof.

Since I had never done Rocky Horror before, the cast was quick to mark me as a virgin. Then they bring all the virgins up front and smack our asses. Not kidding.

Myself with Kayleigh, who is awesome. She likes to point out that she never smiles in pictures. Score!

Myself with Kayleigh and the ever so infamous Cupcake. I love you, Cuppers!

Us with some of the cast. The random girl and guy to the left played Janet (Who marked me with a V.) and Brad. I honestly have no clue who the guy is beside Cupcake or where he came from, but he was not a cast member.

In the middle of the show, we quickly realized that the man playing Dr. Everett B. Scott looked exactly like Cupcake. Kayleigh and I were even plotting getting a hold of the guy, tying him up, and replacing him with Cupcake and see if anyone noticed. It was an elaborate plot. We decided we wouldn’t do well in jail, so we waited until after the show and approached the cast. Their basic response was, “Yeah, sometimes people look like other people.” They weren’t very nice about it. Then Cupcake showed up behind us and they went to ask him a question, realized he wasn’t dressed the same as their other cast member, therefore he was not their other cast member, and started immediately yelling for said cast member. He was also rude and said he looked like a lot of people, and then he turned around. OWNED! And, of course, we had to get a picture. I won’t tell you which one is Cupcake. I’ll let you rely on the above pictures.

Thanksgiving Animals – November 22, 2012

I had exactly three songs stuck in my head on Thanksgiving that I continually sang on repeat. They were all by Carly Rae Jepsen.

Call Me Maybe (If you haven’t heard this song, how does the underside of your rock even get the internet?)

It’s Always a Good Time (Featuring Owl City)

Your Heart Is a Muscle

The holidays are a particularly busy time of the year for everyone. Yet, when the day comes, I find myself bored and underwhelmed. The holidays consist of myself and my mom at this point in my life. I thought that was going to change this year, but that’s a whole other story. Finding something to do with myself on Thanksgiving to make it feel like a holiday and avoid actually doing any kind of work is usually a chore in itself. So much so, that I feel like I’m working. So this year, with my iPhone in hand and Instagram at my disposal, I decided to chase all the animals around like a mad woman and make them take pictures with a turkey. They were just as annoyed as they should have been.

To prove that, I had three bloopers with just one cat, Stitch. He was not happy. First, he photombed his own photo.

Then, he stuck his tongue out at the stone cat for gosh knows what reason. It’s not like he should be jealous. The cat isn’t even real. (Just don’t tell it that.)

Finally, he stuck his tongue out at the turkey. I’m pretty sure dead pilgrims everywhere were witnessing this scene from beyond the grave and turning over. Sorry, dead pilgrims.

This is Leo. He’s thrilled about this.

Twice.

Greta Hayley gets about this excited over all pictures. She’s pretty easy going.

Helena does actually get excited about everything, but in this instance I think she saw a cat.

Jorja started out in very Thanksgiving fashion by trying to eat the turkey. Only this was the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade turkey, so that was just rude.

After she got over that nonsense, she tried to pretend like she wasn’t irked by it, but the picture says it all.

Play was just so cute that I had to take two pictures of him. Also, he’s the most tolerant of my bullshit ideas

Scamper is the second most tolerant, but he was also trying to sleep, and when he sleeps, he notices nothing. Except, maybe, the turkey sitting next to him. More pilgrims are rolling in their graves over that dirty look.

But the turkey decided to hug him anyway. And he decided to ignore it.

Anais was pretty interested in this whole thing in the most blase way. The turkey looked cool for a second.

Then I looked interesting for a second. Neither of us were actually interesting.

Pie usually yells at you when you do this stuff. Since it was a holiday, she seemed to drop the attitude.

Thankfully, the light caught this picture, because I was getting the “huh uh, guuurlllfrannn” look.

Paramore’s picture is my favorite. Sorry, guys.

We eventually caught up to Stitch, and after close to fifteen pictures, I got a good one. One good one. He’s still giving me the stink eye in it.

The Story of Us – May 12, 2012 to September 28, 2012

Song: The Story of Us – Taylor Swift (Obviously)

Our favorite song to sing (badly) in my car: Payphone (Explicit) – Maroon 5  (I still really want to know what happened to his cell phone. Obviously it died in the video, but what about in real life? What happened to make him write a song called Payphone. I’m missing the whole point of the song, I know. Trust me, I get it, I just don’t want to think about it.)

Song he would sing in the car: What Makes You Beautiful – One Direction (I still can’t listen to this song. And he was also entirely tone deaf and tried to dance while in a seated position. It’s all good. It was kind of beautiful…in its own way.)

I have been notoriously protective of this situation and talking about it since we met in May, but I realized that the only way to get over this is to talk about it and put our time together in pictures. It’s how I cope, by forcing myself to deal with something. This blog is my safe haven to do that, and if someone doesn’t like it, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m not saying anything that’s bad or untrue, so I’m going to do what I need to do to deal. Also, I know many of you are good friends of mine from all over the place who have been asking me what has been going on concerning how I even got a date and who I was dating, etc. So let me just take care of it all in one fell swoop.

I met Craig at a friend’s graduation party in May. I barely made it home when that friend was asking me if he could set me up with someone, but wouldn’t tell me who. I pulled it out of him, and he said Craig. I am normally the girl who would laugh hysterically and be like, “no thanks.” I don’t do love. I don’t know how much of it I believe in, or did believe in before this. I don’t even know if I want to get married. I’m not the girl who believes you meet someone and know if you like them or not. I don’t believe in the American dream. It has always taken me months and months of knowing someone to decide how I feel about them. I took one look at Craig and did exactly what I never believed you could do. I fell for him immediately. I knew. I knew in that way people just know. So I said yes.

The friend wanted to give me Craig’s number, and I told him no. I was interested in Craig, but didn’t know if he was interested in me, so I told my friend to give Craig mine and let him decide if he wanted to talk to me or not. I didn’t want to force myself on him. It took two people to talk him into texting me, because he’s the nervous type. He happened to be away for the summer. But we talked all summer through texts, and that feeling from when I first saw him didn’t go away. We made plans for the day after he came home, on August 13th, to get together. Remember, we had met once, so I was nervous. But we did get together, and before the day was even over everyone was assuming we were together in a very different way. No one took a second thought to it. We just clicked. We were good together. It’s been said numerous times that I’m the female version of him, which is pretty much true.

And a week after he came home, we did get together. We were mostly inseparable from the 13th on. He became my best friend, and I helped him with school work and he comforted me and calmed me because we talked and we cuddled. He was kind and sweet, and I let myself fall totally for him in a way I’ve never fallen for anyone. I let myself believe in him. I fell in love with him. I completely trusted him, and if you know me, you know I’ve never fully trusted anyone. I was happy, truly happy, for the first time in my life. He came along when I stopped believing in everything, he brought me back to life, and he would always say we needed each other. I certainly needed him, and I’ve never needed anyone before. He would tell me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that I was the only person he could just sit with and be happy. I agreed. I didn’t see us ending, at least not anytime soon. I thought he’d be here for my birthday and holidays, and I let myself think like that without a second thought.

We all know how that ended. It just ended. On a Monday I finally found my ground with him. I stopped being scared with him. I gave in completely. I was totally happy. I wasn’t worried. I knew we were where we needed to be. On Friday, the next time I saw him, he broke up with me. We were going to try and date and take the title out of our relationship. I don’t really know what happened to this day. He begged me to try, but asked me to wait until he was done with that semester of school because he was too busy. Then he went out partying during that time and never did take me out. The last time we talked we were fine, and then he stopped talking to me. I will probably never know what happened, but it happened. I’ve tried to be kind through this.  A little birdie told me his grandfather died a few days ago, and I texted him to let him know how sorry I was. He never even said thank you. He reads my texts, and I know this because he talks to my friends and tells them, but he otherwise has erased me. It makes no sense.

So, I wish I had an answer for why he turned his back on me so quickly and so out of the blue, but I don’t. And I never will, probably. Do I think I will ever fall in love again as strongly as I loved him? I know I won’t, because I know me and I will never let go again like that. Even if I could have before this, I feel like I can’t trust again, because this will happen all over, and so I won’t let myself fall. But it’s also because I know I won’t have that connection with anyone again, because I never believed in that connection in the first place. But this is our story through pictures, and songs for each one, because each one is a memory. I don’t know if I still want these memories, but it’s not like they’re going away any time soon.

This occurred the second day Craig was back, the third time we were together, and before we were dating. If there is ever a picture that explains Craig’s personality, it’s this one. (If there’s ever a situation that does that, it’s when his best friend and I accidentally told him he was kind of balding and I had to hear him freak out about, and sincerely ask me if he should try Rogaine, for a week.) At first, he tried to stick the onions in his nose, because he thought Cupcake and I weren’t looking. Once he realized we saw him, he bust out laughing, we laughed, and he went with a more reasonable route. It’s amazing we never got kicked out of a restaurant together, though we did amuse several staff members in various places. See: Everywhere we went. Constantly.

Song: Barbie Girl (Listen, let me explain. One time him, myself and Cupcake were cruising down the road, when Craig put on Barbie Girl, rolled down the windows, and proceeded to sing it in a very bad, tone deaf girlie voice as we pulled into the gas station. It was as hysterical as it sounds (Easily the funniest thing I’ve ever witnessed.), and was later followed by a “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” incident of a similar stature. Every single person at that gas station gave the girl and the gay guy dirty looks. Not one person suspected Craig.)

This happened the same day. He looks mad, but there’s kind of a story behind this and a reason. The chair we are in is a one person chair. I was sitting in that chair all by myself when Craig joined me. I had my feet up over the edge of the chair like I do in the picture (That is my slip sticking out, people. Don’t be perverted.), when he decided there was nowhere else to sit, and since we are both small people, he was going to sit with me. I’m not shy, which is as huge of an understatement as saying Waldo is sometimes a tad bit difficult to find, so I told him if he sat with me that I was going to sit the same way I was when he wasn’t in the chair. He sat down anyway in way of picking my legs up and sliding under them, before putting them back down. He even started to unbutton my boots, and I forced him to re-button them at one point. We are THAT weird together.

Our friends thought this was so funny that the one had to take a picture, but in order to get our attention, she said something crude that I don’t quite remember toward Craig to get him to look up. He was unhappy with what she said. I found it funny. He immediately told my friend this picture couldn’t go online. The girl who took it told him, “No, Craig, it’s only going on Instagram.” Craig asked what Instagram was. And here we are.

Thus started our long standing arrangement of seeing how many one person chairs we could fit into. The answer is all but one. He’s no bigger than me, but in our defense, it was a flimsy lawn chair and he fit for a hot second with me, then fell out. People falling is funny. However, that was far from the weirdest thing that happened chair wise. One day, we’re both sitting on Cupcake’s chair. Cupcake pointed out that no one was on the couch, hinting that we were being a bit odd, so both of us got up, went to the couch, and sat down up against each other.

Song: Lights – Ellie Goulding (I got Craig obsessed with her also, and we used to listen to this song a ton on repeat in my car, before he started borrowing my CDs. Like all my Taylor Swift ones. Without me knowing until he gave them back to me. Yes, that is funny.)


This happened the following night. I was there for this incident, and yet I still have no idea what happened. But let me tell you how the night went, because this wasn’t the weirdest thing either of us did. We were visiting our very awesome friends, and the four of us, for some stupid reason, all decided to try and fit into their twin size bed. This is what good kids do on a Wednesday night. We all fit, because we are all small people. Someone has a picture of this, but I’m not sure who. All I remember is Craig yelling, DON’T PUT THIS ONLINE! I DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HOW WEIRD I AM! Trust me, they already know. We told him this, yet couldn’t convince him. I don’t even know if I’ve seen the picture or who has it, but I digress.

After everyone got up, we all decided to still sit on the bed. I got up for two seconds and Craig took my spot, so I sat behind him, but there was no room for my legs, so I used them to try and push him off the bed. He pushed back into me. Next thing I know it my legs had nowhere to go but over his shoulders. This is when the other girls got off the bed. I think our weird scared them. Eventually my legs were so far over his shoulders that I managed to push him off the bed with my thighs, therefore victorious. This picture happened as he was lying on the floor. These are our friend’s shorts. I just… Why, Craig? And that will forever remain the question.

Song: Distance – Christina Perri (“I wish we would just give up, cause the best part is falling.” That’s exactly where we were right in these moments. I was falling for him so hard, even with him doing this kind of stuff, and had no idea if we would end up together at this point. This was the day I realized I definitely wanted to be with him. We had a few hours of alone time together in the car, as he went out of town that day, and we did a lot of talking in person finally. That was it for me.)

Alternate song: Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri (Since we are already talking about her, it just reminded me that Craig has been known to sing this song. Badly.)

Here is a picture to commemorate the day after we officially started dating. Which kind of just happened. Neither of us talked about it. We just cuddled and kissed and then it was the next day. The joke about this picture goes as such: “Remember that one time Craig got stuck in a tree and we thought we were going to have to call the fire department to get him down like he was a kitten?” He somehow shimmied his way up the tree. I watched him do it and I still don’t know how. He got so far up, shifted himself, and got his knee stuck in the Y in the tree. He was stuck for a good ten minutes. He was too high up for me and my friend to help him. Her fiance, however, is a firefighter, and just as she got her phone out to call him, Craig got unstuck and fell out of the tree. He was fine. He then tried to climb another one and fell and failed again.

Song: You’re My Only Shorty – Ariana Grande, but featured on Demi Lovato’s album. I just can’t find that version online. (Just because I couldn’t stop listening to it and singing it at this point.)

A few weeks into our relationship his parents went out of town. They encouraged me to stay at their house in his sister’s old bedroom while they weren’t home. Yeah, they liked me. In fact, his mom once told me we were meant to be together and belonged together. She doesn’t talk to me either anymore, but did for awhile after the break-up. I still don’t know why, but I digress. I adored his family and they knew we were the good kids that would end up falling asleep watching really bad movies instead of doing things most couples do, because it just wasn’t us. Around three in the morning we were in his kitchen / dining room. I turn around to find this:

Song: Treacherous – Taylor Swift (This, being in his house at night alone and him not wanting anything from me except for me to be there, is when I realized it was too late. I had fallen for him. And it was the most frightening moment of my life to know he had that control, and not knowing how this was going to work out. All I could do was hope he wanted to stay with me for awhile, too.)

In case you’re wondering, no, the cat never did let him pet him. The cat let me pet him, though. TRIUMPH! Craig and I are both people that can get away with just about anything because we’re cute. It’s just that I get away with more stuff than him, and not on purpose, and he got a little bent out of shape over that sometimes. Girls always win the cute contest. Silly boy.

Neither one of us are big picture takers, so there’s not a lot of pictures of us together. My friend took this one, and it’s kind of blurry, but meh. It’s cute. This was date night. This is what I remember the most and miss. I guess I just want to think of us like this, and that’s really unhealthy.

And yes, he shaved. My friend and I laughed too. He’s only twenty four, but he looks older than me with facial hair, and I look pretty young, so we got looks sometimes. Once he shaved, I was the one getting the pedo looks. Awesome.

Song: Let It Ride – Automatic Loveletter (This isn’t a romantic song, but it just makes me want to run away with someone. It’s like that star crossed moment when you’ve just fallen for someone. That’s where I was.)

Alternate Song: Back to Life – Automatic Loveletter (They were my soundtrack to falling in love. I felt like he brought me back to life after being sick for so long.)

And that was our story. The one song that made me cry hysterically right after we broke up was Taylor Swift’s All Too Well. I think anyone who has been through a breakup would have trouble breathing the first fifty times they listened to that song. But for me, I feel like this song was personalized to fit me. The following lines are so specific but so true to us, and also paralyzed me when I first heard them and sometimes still do:

“You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin size bed / and your mother’s telling stories bout you on the t-ball team /you tell me bout your past thinking your future was me / and I know it’s long gone / and there’s nothing else I could do / and I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to”

Zoo Day! – October 7, 2012

Song: Brokenhearted – Karmin (I can’t stop listening to this! It was on replay on this day. Maybe I still hoped we weren’t over?)

Alternate Song: Hello – Karmin (I was a little obsessed with them at this point. Plus, her rapping is INSANE! She’s just a cute little white girl, for goodness sake!)

So Craig and I had just broken up. What do I do? Go to the zoo with his childhood best friend! (I am THAT awkward.) We already had the plans, and I almost canceled on him, but I couldn’t really take the breakup out on his poor friend, who has since become such an awesome friend to me. But it is, admittedly, a little depressing each time I see him, because I think of Craig. This took place at the Pittsburgh Zoo and PPG Aquarium, which, yes, is the zoo that was recently in the news for a painted dog killing a two year old when the mother dropped him into the exhibit. So sad. But we went before this happened and no one died that day…that we know of.

Can you spot the leopard? Man, I am funny. Just not really.

One a lion, two a lion…

And now just one a lion. I really need to stop trying to be punny and witty.

The ostriches and gazelles were out on this day, but no zebras. Naturally, I had been most excited about seeing the zebras.

But giraffes are second best, right? They’re kind of like zebras, only tall and with spots. Yeah, okay, they’re nothing like zebras. Depress me, why don’t you?

The elephant kept giving us the butt.

Then he changed his mind and just decided to hide. I see you, Ellie Phant. P.S. – Can someone please be stupid and name an elephant that for me? Thanks.

The baby elephant inside of the elephant house was much, much friendlier! I wanted to hug it. I realized I couldn’t. It was a sad moment.

We went into the notoriously stinky monkey house. This is  lemur. Yes, I do enjoy being Captain Obvious. You’re welcome.

This is an “I Don’t Know.” Yep, that’s the technical name for it, folks. It was too far away, and I was taking pictures through glass. I do remember it stealing food off of a much larger monkey and running right after this. Actually, I think this is theft in progress.

We have an awesome aquarium, only now we don’t have dolphins and everyone crowds the penguins, so I couldn’t get pictures. But you know what’s fancier than a penguin? I sea horse! Ha!

Last, but certainly not least, we have your run of the mill donkey. (Right next to a spitting camel.) In the kids section. Awesome.

I’m sure you’re all exhausted from the nearly one hundred pictures and 6500 words, so you’ll be glad to know this journey has now concluded. Here’s to moving on and better times. Now go take a nap.

The Christmas Animal Video Diaries

You guys, I am so sorry that I’m behind on my Christmas posts. By the time I’m done with the week’s worth of Christmas posts I had planned, you’ll all be out of the Christmas spirit and sick of it. (Some of you may be already. Me? I never run out of Christmas spirit. Usually.) Every year I do a nice little run of Christmas posts to make up for hardly posting prior to Christmas, and they run the whole week after Christmas. This year, clearly, was a huge fail. However, I do have good reason. I got unexpectedly thrown into an emergency paranormal case, and have been busy working on that. I was even at the person’s home for ten hours yesterday, and this case is far from over. So please bear with me and try to keep the Christmas spirit, por favor? I promise you that I am doing the best I can.

Anyway, let’s get back into the Christmas spirit and time warp back to last week, when it was Christmas Eve and we were all cheery and waiting for Santa to arrive. Do all of you have your time machines? Awesome! (Apparently the word awesome is being banned in 2012. I’m going to Kanye 2012 just to bring it back. I refuse to be clumped in with the masses and forget about it. I don’t want to hurt awesome’s feelings, so I shall use the world awesome! Besides, it’s only 2011, though it might be 2012 by the time I get this posted. I’m right down to the wire.)

Prior to Santa coming, my mom, who also doubles as Santa occasionally, gave me a Kodak Playfull video camera. She wanted me  to be able to have it so that I could tape the morning adventures when the real Santa did come. And for those of you who are being all Scrooge-like and stopped believing in Santa, who we all know exists, I have proof he was here. NORAD Santa Tracker, which is ran by Nasa, says he was, and that’s good enough for me. I even screen capped their website for proof.

See? So for all of those people out there who stopped believing in Santa, have some fun. Christmas is the time of the year to believe in anything, no matter what, just because you can.

Anyway, I was so excited to have my camera that I went to work figuring out how to use it (And still haven’t perfected that craft.) so that it would be ready for Christmas morning. Of course, I would never film people on Christmas morning, because we’re just not that cute and we’re a small family, so I decided to take videos of the animals because, aww, everyone loves animals!

The first video I took was right before Santa came. It was in a very sad attempt to figure out the camera, and is of the incomparably cute Greta Hayley. It’s really just a video of her sleeping, but I figured out my video camera because of that. Yay! Plus, who doesn’t love sleeping puppies? Scrooges, that’s who. Ignore the sound on the clip. It was a test and only a test that I couldn’t resist posting in the cuteness that was Greta Hayley. I also shot it in classic 70s home video mode, which is just one of the great features this camera comes with. (No, they’re not paying me to say any of this and I’m not affiliated with them.)

After finding out that, yes, my camera does work, and yes, I can hit the right button, I went to bed so that Santa would arrive (But not really, because I was up way past Santa time, but I didn’t see him.), and when I got up in the morning there were presents everywhere. This seemed like an awesome opportunity to use the camera, so we put the dogs out, then let them into the room with the presents and filmed it. This was also shot in 70s style home video. (All but one of these videos was.) I know it looks like there’s lots of gifts, but that’s a lie. Most of them were presents for the pets. Santa likes them best. Look for the flying kitty cameo and the most uninterested dogs in the history of Christmas. Don’t mind the shaky camera either. Someone over here was still getting used to their new toy.

Post the dogs opened their presents; See: we opened them, we gave them their cookies. It seems as though we have a thief in the house.

We moved on to the cats presents, and, as you can see, they were equally excited to open their presents and required just as much help as the dogs did. Pie the cat may have even given me a look like, “Bitch, I don’t want no presents. Show me the treats!” Ah, what a lovely crew we have here.

Even after giving me that look, Pie went on to prove that it was, in fact, the presents she was unexcited about, but it wasn’t because she wanted a treat. Girlfriend wanted the wrapping paper. Figures. You can never please a cat by trying, only by fate. I think this is my favorite video, unless you haven’t seen Pie Gets Brushed, which is a close second. Pie has issues.

Just in case you were wondering if Scamper did, in fact, get a toy, which was asked at the end of Pie’s Christmas video, you can find the answer here.

Next, I will posts the animals thoughts on Christmas. And by thoughts, I basically mean them standing there giving me faces when I asked them what they thought of Christmas. Coming after that is another makeup tutorial, so stick in there with me. While I’m sitting here blogging because I’m not a partier and completely boring, please enjoy your New Years. Be safe. Don’t drink and drive.

After Christmas Euphoria and Cabela’s

Hi everyone! How did you enjoy / survive your holiday? Did you eat lots of turkey and other noms with your families? Was Santa good to all of you? I hope there was a yes to both. If not, I’m going to the North Pole on the fifth to have a chat with Santa. If you’d like to come or would like me to put a word in for you, let me know.

Why am I going to the North Pole to chat with Santa, you may ask. (If not, you’re going to find out anyway. Sorry!) Well, this might seem trivial, but Santa was TOO good to me this year, and I must make the trip up there to thank him with some freshly baked cookies and a year’s supply of treats for his reindeer. I would have been happy with just the new Taylor Swift concert DVD, but he brought me lots of useful goodies, including a new video camera, which I’ve been wanting for as I love to make videos of my animals (I’m the crazy animal lady at 26. Leave me alone.). I think that deserves a trip to the North Pole, only I’m waiting until the fifth as to let Santa get a good rest before invading his space.

Yes, I do get a little too into the Christmas spirit. Why do you ask?

I could sit here and talk about my crazy Christmas spirit forever, however, I have a migraine caused by an antibiotic that I can’t get rid of because I can’t take my migraine medication with said antibiotic, even though my doctor gave me the antibiotic knowing I have to take this migraine medication. So now I’m no longer taking the antibiotic, waiting on a new one, and trying to get my migraine to go away. It’s a saga within a saga, but the point is, I just can’t sit here and type forever because my vision is all wonky and what not.

That being said, I took some new videos with my new camera that I will post hopefully tomorrow, migraine depending. When I do that, we’ll go on ahead and talk about Christmas a whole lot more. You can tell me what you got, I’ll show and tell what I got. We can squee like the women we are. It will be wonderful.

I usually do a whole week’s run of Christmas posts after Christmas, so this one is going to be the bah-humbug post. I’m sorry. For right now I’m going to be un-Christmasy and catch up on a post I promised weeks ago, which is the Cabela’s post. I finally have time where I don’t need my computer for something and can sit here and let all sixty pictures load into WordPress, so even though I’m two weeks late, I’ve got it covered. And if we want to be technical, we did end up stopping at Cabela’s as part of our Christmas trip to Overly’s and it was decorated for Christmas there, so this is still Christmasy, right?

Just a few notes about Cabela’s. It is awesome, even if you’re not an outdoorsy person. In fact, that makes it even more awesome. Now, you can see wildlife without getting nature on you. Yes, all of these pictures were really taken inside of a store, as denoted by some of the people whose heads ended up in my pictures. The store was so packed, more packed than our malls here. It was insanity, but understandable. There was an aquarium (Of which I don’t have pictures. Boo!), a whole large room of deer displays, an African animal display,  a mountain display with all seasons depicted on the sides of it, an entire plane, a bow shooting range, and so much more inside of this mall sized store. It was also the cleanest place I’ve ever been. You’d swear elves worked there, because nothing was out of place, you could eat off the floor (But please don’t.), and yet there were tons of people all over the gosh darn place, but you saw no workers cleaning anything up. It was just magically clean. So if you ever get to stop at Cabela’s, do it. (Not that I’m trying to tell you what to do.) And if my adventure hasn’t convinced you, maybe the pictures will.

P.S. – You might even meet a nice military man there and get to thank him for his service. I did!

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Presents From Australia

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE, Everyone! Aren’t you just so excited that in less than two hours, according to Norad, Santa will start his journey around the world?

I know I promises y’all a Cabela’s post, but, quite frankly, it’s Christmas and no one wants to look at sporting goods on Christmas. (Other than all men. In other words, people who don’t visit this blog.) I’ve also not had time within all the festivities of the season to sit down and upload all sixty three pictures that I may or may  not have gotten completely carried away like a freaking tourist and took. I’m just going to go ahead and save that post for later in the spirit of Christmas.

Yay, Christmas!

Yay, Santa!

This year, my friend from Australia, Rossi, suggested we do a gift exchange. In excitement to end all excitement, we did just that. I wanted to share the awesome gifts she got me, because I feel all special having presents that came from Australia. (Thank you, Rossi!) So while you all enjoy these pictures, I am wishing you a merry one and sending you lots of reindeer hugs. And yes, I am that cheesy.

Merry Christmas, y’all. Let me know what Santa brought everyone!

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Road Trip Christmas Extravaganza

Just to forewarn you all, this post is full of over forty pictures of Christmas cheer. If you don’t like Christmas cheer, I wouldn’t put your boots on. Those are only made for walking. Promptly put those running shoes on and scoot on out of here. It’s not that I want you to leave, but you will be upset by all the Christmas cheer. If you choose to stay, you brave soul, you, then you have been warned.

Yesterday was a heck of a day. We took a road trip to see a Christmas extravaganza. It was supposed to go something like this: Aunt Bev arrives at promptly 10 AM. We all pile in the car and drive straight to Oglebay’s for their lovely Christmas display to enjoy all the delicious spirit of the season. We reach our destination around 11:30. We enjoy our day perusing the shops, touring the mansion, and then walk the lit gardens and drive through the Christmas lights.

Our day actually went like this: Aunt Bev got sick and was unable to attend. (Boo!) We decided to take our time getting ready and didn’t leave until 10:30. On our way, my mom decided to stop at Target so that she could take in her receipt from the night before with a coupon and still receive the sale price plus a gift card. We stopped at one location that for sure had to have a Target. It didn’t. We googled and found another Target on our way. We stopped there and had success. By the time we finally made it to Oglebay’s it was nearly 1:00. We cruised through the shops. We ate. We toured the mansion. We perused another shop. It was still only going on 4:00, an hour and a half before the lights would come on. We left Oglebay’s in favor or Cabela’s.

So now that you have the run down, let me tell you the full story.

It was a dark and stormy night. Oh wait, wrong story.

Our morning started out like something out of a bad comedy. Aunt Bev couldn’t go with us, we took too much time eating and getting ready, and ended up out the door late and forgetting things we wanted to grab. (Here’s looking at you and your cough drops, mother of mine.) My mom announced her need to go to Target on the way down, and since we were traveling a main highway with many stop offs that were littered with stores along the way, we thought it would be delightfully easy to find a Target. Our first try was at a place twenty minutes from home. It had everything. There was Wal-Mart and K-Mart and Ollies and a bunch of other stores I will never remember, but there sure as heck wasn’t a Target. I googled Target as we sat at a light and found out there were only two on our hour and a half trip along a main highway. Two? Since we were passing a dozen shopping complexes, at least, we were expecting more, but I digress. We did finally find our Target, and just in time because, over share, I had to pee.

Things went swimmingly, so we continued on our way, but by now it was just after noon and we still had thirty-two miles to go until we got to our destination. Yeah, folks, we weren’t making spiffy time.What made this even better was that we had entered West Virginia and were never welcomed. We were never told to get lost. Nothing. The exits just suddenly went from oh-my-gosh-a-high-number to one. And then we came upon a West Virginia Welcome Center, and it took two of us, but we realized that, much like Dorothy, we just weren’t in our home state anymore. About five miles past the welcome center, there was a welcome sign, but by that time the point was moot. Thanks, West Virginia.

And this is where the real fun started because, folks, people in West Virginia are just a little different. Probably not all of them, but it wasn’t looking too swell. We just didn’t know it yet, but we were about to spend the day finding that out. As my friend said to me on Twitter, if it doesn’t have a welcome sign, you may have entered the Twilight Zone. Go with it, but don’t trust it. I should have just listened to her.

When we did finally arrive at our destination, we were gloriously happy to be there, what with all the Christmas cheer we were about to endure. We had been at this location several years ago, but it was at night and just for the lights, so we never got to experience the stores and mansion that was there.

After motioning for a bunch of bad drivers and seemingly drunken people to get out of the way, we parked and made our way into the visitors center to find out where we were to go for the events we had wanted to partake in. And, much like I mentioned earlier with people in West Virginia being a little different, we were going to find out that nearly all the workers at Oglebay’s were that way. All but three either completely ignored us, were rude, ran us over in a store without saying excuse me, or stood around and talked to each other about private things and didn’t even acknowledge us. The other three were wonderful, but it ended there. However, I am getting ahead of myself.

At the visitors center, we were instructed by a very lovely, though over informative gentleman, about where to go for what event. While we were in there, we decided to check out the gift shop and gourmet candy store that was staring us in the face from our right side. This was easily the most Christmas induced, amazing, sparkling with Christmas Cheer store that I had ever been in. Everywhere you looked the place was brimming with Christmas cheer. You could nearly hear it tell you Merry Christmas, and if it could talk, then I’m sure it would have. There was reindeer pasta and snowman pasta, both which I would have bought if it wasn’t price gouged to the max. There were also peppermint and candy cane inspired trees and Santas there to greet you as you entered the store. It was purely Heaven, and I convinced myself for a whole ten minutes that I could move in there and live happily ever after. Then I remembered people would be coming in and out, tramping on my things and touching them and even taking them home with them, and I didn’t like that very much. So I just took pictures because they last longer.

After that, we went to the glass store, where we were directed by an equally lovely woman about where the glass museum and mansion were, and how to inquire tickets for both. We decided to go through the glass store upstairs, before going downstairs to the glass museum. (That’s a lot of glass and, if you’re keeping track, a lot of things to break.) The glass pieces were both gorgeous and well priced, but still too rich for my blood of no money, plus, I didn’t need anything. I did spend the entire time in a half panic attack, because I allowed some of my spirits to go along for the ride since they often miss their families at this time of the year. (Yes, I do know how that sounds. Why do you ask?) I was so worried about one of them getting a little too set on the whole being dead thing and accidentally knock something over without realizing they could do it. Luckily, that didn’t happen. *Wipes brow* That could have also contributed to why I took pictures like the freaking tourist I was of every and anything, but didn’t take pictures in that store.

Once we got downstairs to the glass museum, we realized we had no interest in walking through what seemed to mimic the glass store upstairs and have to pay for it, leaving us with the decision to only walk through the mansion. (Which was the wrong one, but I’ll get to that story.) We began toward the mansion, now hungry and figuring that since the place was like a little store-lined village, with a visitors center and a mansion in between, that there would be somewhere to eat within all those buildings. Clearly our logic didn’t line up with Oglebay’s, which we found out the hard way.

Still, as we looked for a place to eat, we went into the next shop, which was a garden store and greenhouse, but also sold ornaments in the back. As soon as we entered, we saw this very Christmasy site laid upon the top of the staircase.

As soon as my knees cooperated and we reached the bottom of the stairs, a little old lady of about seventy-five was overheard saying the following. “You did want to come home with me! You did! Come on, Buddy! You’re coming home with me too!” I looked over to see her pulling two snowflake LED lawn ornaments out of a box just as happy as could be. Rock on, lady. You made my day, though the rest of the store was uneventful compared to that.

Armed with the knowledge (after asking) that the only place to eat was 3/4 of a mile down the road, because that made sense to someone, though I don’t know who, we decided we were simply too hungry to tour the mansion without eating first. We hopped in the car and headed for the lodge. This was one of the best and worst decisions of the day. The lodge was decorated to look like something out of a Christmas movie. If one decided to shoot there, they wouldn’t have had to redecorate one tiny little bit. There was a man upstairs singing Christmas carols just as happy and talented as a lovely lark, and I could have also moved into the room with the fireplace, because it’s how I’ve always envisioned a nice, mountain Christmas home to be. It gave me the warm and cuddlies. I was in complete bliss and felt like I was in a scrumptious Christmas movie, so I never wanted to leave. In fact, we were even talking about coming and staying for a weekend over Christmas next year, because look how incredible it is!

And then we ate there. Even this tree couldn’t make up for the horrible service we got.

We had gotten to The Glassworks Grill at an off time, and even though the compound seemed busy, there was really no one in the grill. Plus, it was a really small, intimate place, so we were pumped to get our food, since we were now hungry, hungry hippo hungry. As per the usual of what we had learned from the stores, the workers were standing around and talking and mostly ignoring us, but one young lady did come up and seat us, and our waitress came back pretty quickly to get our drinks, and then came back with our drinks and asked for our orders just as quickly. But that was it. After we ordered, she literally disappeared. The girl who seated us was taking orders from the surrounding tables, which we later found out were our waitresses’ tables, and she was only a bus girl. Note: Despite this, she had also seated us. There were many workers on duty despite there being very few people in the place, but they were all standing around in groups talking.

After forty minutes of not seeing our waitress at all, and because the place was so small that it’s not like we could have missed her, we flagged down the bus girl. After a talk with the bus girl, her getting us more drinks, and then her going to check on our food, our waitress suddenly appeared with the food and told us she had been back there the whole forty minutes trying to get the kitchen to hurry up. That might have worked for her if it made sense, our food was actually warm, and if we hadn’t overheard someone else saying she was just sitting in the back.

Once our food was at the table, you guessed it, the waitress disappeared again. We waited and waited and waited, but she never came back to get our check. To top it off, I can’t eat garlic. I ordered a chicken sandwich with pretzel bread. The pretzel bread was soaked in garlic, which was never mentioned on the menu and quite odd, and not only that, but whomever put the honey mustard on it must have thought dumping the whole bottle on there was a wise idea. And it’s not like we could get the waitress to see if she could help assist us in getting a new order. At one point, my mom even got up and stood, putting her coat on, in order to attempt to get the attention of one of the workers that was just standing around so we could get a check. Several looked our way, but none bothered to come over. Finally, we received help from the gorgeous and super friendly barkeep. If it wasn’t for him, we’d still be sitting there, I’m sure. Bottom line: Bad service and cold, bad, misrepresented food just don’t mix. Avoid this place if possible.

We left there and toured the gift shop in the lodge, which was really great and put me back into the Christmas spirit. It featured items such as these.

When we went to exit the lodge, the sign in the parking lot not only made my season, but became my new very favorite sign. And the lodge itself, in all its beautiful, woodsy glory did not make my season any less Christmasy. Honestly, I wanted to move there, to that lodge, and not think it was odd, but also not eat in their grille.

Next, we got in our car and drove back to the mansion to take out tour. We paid our admission, which seemed ever so cheap for such a beautiful, stunning place such as this.

Then we got inside and discovered that the house had suffered a great tragedy at the hands of the parks and recreation service of Wheeling. For whatever reason, and I’m not sure what reason would ever justify this, they decided to rip mostly everything original out of the house, put in some fake floors in some places, put up ugly wallpaper, put up a bunch of walls that were not original to the house, and renovate it so nothing was true to the mansion except for possibly the grand staircase. That’s unforgivable, but what they did next I’m pretty sure is some type of a cardinal sin. They took and bought every random old piece of furniture they could find, whether it went with the house, matched or not. Then they shoved this unmatching furniture into the rooms. And by shoved, I mean they would put three dressers in one room, some in the middle of the room, nothing actually fitting into the room and none of it matching. In the end, it looked like junk was just piled into most of the rooms for storage. Then they allowed local businesses to decorate the rooms, which might have been a good idea if some of them didn’t put giraffes and lions in the room, and others try and donate more furniture. There were even themed rooms, like a colonial room and a general store, and none of the rooms went with each other. It was just simply a way to get businesses to throw everything and anything into a room. But everything was behind glass, so you couldn’t actually walk into the room, just into a glass enclosure. It sounds confusing, and it was. Confusing and awful. Even the people in front of us told other people not to go into the house. I appreciate seeing an old house in all its glory, not as a tourist trap of poorly done work and decorating. There were a few rooms that were snazzy, but for the most part it looked like an antique or junk store threw up all over the place. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to cover your eyes for this part. I tried to only take pictures of the cute things, but trust me, it was awful.

Because the mansion wasn’t what we had expected it to be, which was, you know, an old mansion and not an antique store where nothing was for sale, we flew through it in less than a half an hour. With the size of it, we had expected to be in there for quite some time. We would have had it been the old mansion that was advertised.

We had only one shop left to go into and over two hours until the lights came on. We got in our car and drove over to the shop. It was actually a golf course and golf store and lounge that was turned into a Christmas store for the holiday season, but still held lots of amazing treasures and was far better than the mansion.

And even after seeing this “Bossy” snowman, as his tag said, I still went home empty-handed.

While in the store, we even had a Hart of Dixie moment. There was this “tree,” and I use the word loosely. It was all kinds of ragged. And then this very Hart of Dixie quote came to me, and it fit and stuck.

Wade: “You know who would love this tree?”

George: “Charlie Brown is a cartoon character, Wade.” (It’s okay, Wade. I’ve got your back. I love Peanuts too!)

Amen to that.

When we were done in the store, we still had a good hour and a half before the lights and nothing left to do. We couldn’t even come up with something to do for that long, since we had been there and seen it all. On our way in, we had passed Cabela’s and had always heard how amazing it is and wanted to go there. Since we are going Wednesday to a festival of lights and had mostly come to stroll around the village, we decided to head out to Cabela’s and spend our evening there. I took a ton of pictures, which will be my next post.

All in all, Oglebay’s is worth going to to stroll the shops, but don’t expect to be impressed by the service you get at The Glassworks Grille, the mansion, or the friendliness of the employees, as it is mostly non-existent. But do expect to feel like you’re in a wonderful Christmas movie.

Hair, Boys and Makeup Tutorials (I Feel Like Such a Girl)

Warning and disclaimer (Double duty! Whoot!): If you’re a guy, this post is going to do nothing but make you groan. If you read on, you can’t complain, because I totally warned you. I’m not usually one to do “girl posts” but I’m making an exception. I apologize in advance.

Sometimes I make fun of my own girlishness, because, the truth is, I’m just not all that girlie. Occasionally, I think there was a mistake and I was supposed to be a boy. However, as I get older, I’m coming into my own and really loving the whole vintage-cute look, mixed with just a little bit of something high fashion, like a good haircut or a good pair of high boots that go over your pants.

Lately, I’ve been cutting my own hair. (You can see a picture of that in the recent picture of this post.) I know, I know, but I’m broke and don’t look like a squirrel Muppet from outer space, so it’s all good. There’s been a cut I’ve really wanted done for awhile, but was never able to find a picture of what I had in my head. I happened to be flipping channels last night and landed on a show called Scouted. Since there was nothing else on, I turned it on. Low and behold, they cut the one girl’s hair exactly how I was picturing mine, plus, it’s really similar to my natural hair color which I hope to go back too soon. I tried that, but the last hair color looked dark, but didn’t dye dark. I apologize for all the hair talk, so let me just get on with it. This is totally my hair cut.

To make it even better, every girl dreads that moment when they can’t pull their hair up, but not with this haircut. It’s even cute up!

Opinions? Thoughts? Time to yell at me for talking about hair? Also, I screen capped these off of Hulu, so all rights belong to Scouted and E! Television. If someone working for them comes across these and wants me to take them down, I’m cool with that. I will remove them quicker than the speed of light. I don’t want to be an accidental kleptomaniac again. And I also have an also to my also. This young lady’s name is Valenteen, therefore, she does not go unnamed. And yes, I am totally jealous that this haircut will forever look better on her than it ever will on me, but I’m trying not to think about it.

Anyway, hair isn’t the point of this blog, boys are, though I’m sure I could have fooled everyone there. I normally don’t talk about boys either seeing as I’m romantically challenged, but what the heck? Let’s just break all stereotypes here tonight, shall we?

The day before last, as it seems, was the day for boys. I live in the kind of place where if you’re seen one boy, you’ve seen them all, and none of them are particularly good looking or polite. For those reasons, I’m sure these boys weren’t from here, and am positive that at least two of them were not. But we’re going to ignore that and pretend they are and this is but a cute little fairy tale. Alright? Awesome.

Monday was the day of having adventures within an adventure. The first example of this was a seemingly harmless trip into the post office in where I had to check out three different times; first for stamps, second to ship something to Australia, and third for stamps again. I didn’t buy enough. No one said I was quick, however, I hadn’t left the parking lot yet, so it could have been worse. When I went back in to get stamps, I was waiting to be checked out and a man around my age in a military uniform that looked like Wade from Hart of Dixie strolled on in. I would have said something like hi, or mumble-mumble-mumble, but I couldn’t even get that out. Instead, I swiftly looked at the ground and walked out of the post office like that strange, socially awkward person no one befriends. Then, I got out to the parking lot to see that he had a hot, antique Chevy muscle car that he had repainted orange, the color of my first car. The car was so sexy that I could overlook painting an antique car, especially since the boy was so cute, and find it all lovely and wonderful. I still didn’t go back in and say hi. I am such a chicken-wimp.

After performing a bunch of other menial before Christmas tasks that I’m sure none of you want to hear about, I made my last stop at Tractor Supply. As I was making my way to the register with two salt blocks for my horses in one hand and horse treats in another, the man running the register called to two young guys around my age, asking them what part of Texas they were from. For any of you who know me, I have a thing for Southern guys. I don’t know if it’s the accent or the scruffiness, but I can’t hardly help myself, I swoon.

I was just reaching the point of register at the same time that the one Texas gentleman stopped to answer the cashier, causing us to have a mild collision. Then, in a movie centric moment, the Texan turned to me and then proceeded to say, “Excuse me, Ma’am” with a deep y’all drawl. I swooned so hard I was starting to think that I had ran into him and it was all my fault. Trust me, with a voice like that, he was excused. How many times in her life does a girl get a movie worthy moment like that? And all I could squeak out was, “You can tell he’s not from here. He said excuse me.” Funny, yes. Asking if he was single and staying here? No.

I’m not a shy individual, except when it comes to the gentleman. Of course, there’s probably three in this entire state, so maybe that’s why. I also am one of those people who goes out into public without bothering to put makeup on. I am fortunate that I have clear skin, however, I think instead of looking fresh and cute, I end up looking like I just threw myself together. It’s probably because when I go out, I usually do just throw myself together, seeing as when I do feel well enough to go out, I have a small window of opportunity before I feel crappy again.

Last night, however, my friend and I were talking about makeup while I was watching tutorials by the wonderful DiamondsandHeels14‘s on her YouTube channel. I have training on how to do makeup, and my friend was asking me about teaching her a few tips. I love doing makeup, I just typically don’t do it for reasons listed above. I also tend to do natural makeup so I look pretty much like I do without it, and have been dying to experiment with it.

I’m seriously considering doing a makeup tutorial of my own to show my friend, who is on the other side of the state, including some tricks and tips for girls with clear skin, since DiamondsandHeels14 covers how to cover up acne. I’ll also focus my tutorial on doing makeup with what you have, if you can’t afford the proper tools or all the snazzy new colors like I can’t, and how to make one product or tool work as another. I’ll direct my first tutorial on, as I said, foundation for clear skin. After I do that tutorial, I can do a more experimental video section, where I’ll use different makeup tutorials by DiamondsandHeels14 (And completely credit her, of course, because she is amazing. I won’t be doing a tutorial on her tutorial, just try doing my makeup by her tutorial.) to try and do something completely different with my own makeup, and keep trying new looks, since she gives you tutorials to a bunch of them.

After that, I’ll go out and public and report back on if I attracted more guys, because I’m thinking I’m going to have to cutesy myself up to do so, and if I felt more confident or not based on which look I went with. I think it’d be a pretty nifty experiment, and I’m putting my totally naked face and how I normally look out there, and showing the transformation. I think it would be an interesting social experiment that I could do a series on. I think it would make a neat blog with videos included. Thoughts?

FREE COOKIES!

Do you know what I did today? (Unless you’re psychic, the correct answer to this is no. If it is yes, then I must wonder why it is that you are stalking me. I’m going to have to ask you not to do that.) I got free hot chocolate and a lot of free cookies! Too many free cookies to eat! So many that they had to go into a bag and be brought home! And all on complete and pure happenstance.

I got up this morning with a lot of ouchies, because I’m totally mature and use words like ouchies and stummy, as opposed to stomach. After a week of decorating, moving boxes, and cleaning like no one’s business, I was in serious need of a chiropractor. I called him and HARK, he could get me in today. I called my mom to ask her which mode of payment made her wallet happier, since my doctors won’t let me work, so I get to be that twenty-six year old loser who has to live off her mom because Social Security insists I’m not sick, even though my doctors have repeatedly talked to them and told them that I AM sick and it’s them, the doctors, who are NOT allowing me to work. I get a little angry over that, so I’m just going to back away from the angry button and continue my story.

I was planning on going to the chiropractor, stopping in Target, and then going home, but my mom asked me to stop into her office and meet her there around 4:30, after I was done with all of those things. So I set out for my little adventure, and halfway there, through the insane traffic that caused it to take me twice as long to get to the chiropractor (Thank God I anticipated this and left early.) I happened to see a sign telling me that the town I just happened to be in was having a cookie tour that night, for free, from 5:00 to 8:00. This lined right on up with my day and just seemed all too perfect, so as soon as I got to my mom’s office, the first thing I said to her wasn’t hi, but, “TOWN IS HAVING A COOKIE TOUR TONIGHT! IT’S FREE AND THERE’S COOKIES! LET’S GO! WE’RE GOING!” In that exact tone. I think her whole office heard me, yet no one else went. Odd.

On the way into the center of town, which was less than a mile away, we stopped at the local Dunkin’ Donuts for my free birthday drink. The cashier was nice enough to give us both a cup so that we could split it and have hot chocolate as we walked and ate cookies. And walk and eat cookies we did. We were lucky that it was a cold night, but not holy shiz I am missing bodily parts because I froze them off. It was just, oh my goodness I’m cold. We can handle that kind of cold.

The tour was lovely, the town historic. We had a good time trolling the shops, meeting Santa and Mrs. Clause, and getting not only cookies, but the recipes to them, and boy do I love to bake. There was also a girl of about fourteen that ran in a shop and yelled, “MOTHER! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME SANTA WAS, IN FACT, NOT REAL!” The way she said it, all mature and not as upset as one would think, was just a win. And then another lady had a conversation with a rocking chair, pardoning herself as she passed it and bumped into it. I wanted to make her my new best friend, as earlier I was telling a three-foot light up polar bear what a handsome fellow he was. I thought no one heard me, but the office finance woman had. Luckily, she’s used to me.

All in all, it was a pretty fancy night of happenstance, and so Christmasy. I love anything Christmas. What are you all doing fun and interesting for the holidays? What events are you taking in?

December 1st Is the Cat’s Pajamas…And So Are Birthdays

Today is my mom’s 29th Birthday. We have a lot of 29th Birthdays in this house. In fact, it seems like every year at least one person repeats their 29th Birthday. We won’t mention any names.

Now, everyone knows that December first is just the cat’s pajamas. It’s the day that everyone acknowledges the Christmas Holiday is in full swing and it’s too late to back out and run. It’s the day that all the boring channels start showing Christmas specials. And last but not least, it’s the day Norad starts tracking Santa and allows us to play fun kids games on its site. I mean, that allows kids to play fun kids games on its site. I mean…what’s Norad Santa Tracker again? Oh heck, who am I kidding? December first is the day that everyone is officially allowed to be a kid again for 25 days and it’s socially acceptable. (It’s also the beginning of the week of the CW taking my shows off for six weeks. Here’s looking at you, Hart of Dixie. But I’m trying to let that one go. It’s not working.) For all these reasons, except the ones in parenthesis, this is why December first is the most awesome day to have a birthday.

Today, we ventured out to an old mansion just fifteen minutes away, in a town we often go to, that we never knew was there. Folks, this happens to us a lot. Said mansion was owned by the Daughter’s of the American Revolution, something that I very naively thought was a myth and did not exist in this area. No need to announce that I’m dumb. I already got that. What was neat about this event was that the mansion was decorated with forty-five Christmas trees, all which were for sale, and all of which the proceeds would go to benefit fixing up the old mansion. We had a grand old time with those trees. Our favorite was an Arctic one, filled with polar bears and other happy Arctic animals that look cute, but could probably eat us alive. But isn’t that always the way?

This month we have plenty of Christmastime activities planned to keep us all busy and full of Christmas cheer. And if someone gets cranky, we’re just going to throw them on Santa’s lap and laugh at them for being too old to sit on Santa’s lap. It seems like a good plan to me. I don’t see any way in how that could go wrong.

But for now, let’s just enjoy the first before the season rushes by us in a blur. Let’s enjoy the Santas at the mall and the Christmas specials, and all the houses alight for the season. Let’s enjoy our last week of television shows we really like and hot guys on TV (Why are there practically none?) before our shows go into reruns, and let’s enjoy our family a little more, even if, while buying a gift, you’re thinking of how much you want to slap the person you’re getting a gift for since you never did like marrying into that family or how you’re considering getting a gift Aunt Ruth won’t like just to make up for her pinching your cheeks one too many times. But most of all, let’s all wish my mom a Happy Birthday since her birthday is on the coolest day of the year, which must make her a pretty cool person to wish a Happy Birthday to, right?

Accidental Kleptomania, Christmas Light Debacles, and Almost Fires

Well, I really suck at updating every single day like I wanted to in honor of Nanowrimo. If it helps, I also suck at Nanowrimo. By the tenth I had over forty-three thousand words. As of now, I’m still a thousand away from my goal. Take this month, mix it with decorating for Thanksgiving / winter, my birthday, Thanksgiving, tearing down the Thanksgiving decorations and redecorating for Christmas, Christmas shopping, and preparing for my mom’s birthday on the first of December, and you have my source of complete suckage. I know that’s not a word, but just amuse me.

All of that, however, is okay, because I have an awesome post full with stupidly fun stories for all of you, if I do say so myself. And I do. Which means probably no one else will agree. That sounds about right.

But first and foremost, how was Thanksgiving for all of my American readers? I hope it went well for all of you. There was only three of us and somehow mine ended up being a train wreck, because I found out the day before that no one picked up what they were supposed to, and ended up running around like a chicken with my head cut off. At first I lost my shiz, but then I took on a new mantra. What would Lemon Breeland do? She would smile, and then get up and walk right out of the room and eat alone when someone would not stop treating her like a slave and she had had enough. And that’s exactly what I did. I’m going to use that mantra for Christmas too. But let’s move on to fun things, like stories.

Folks, I am an accidental kleptomaniac. Since I know some of you are new readers and don’t know me from my other blog, this apparently runs in the family. My Aunt Bev is also an accidental kleptomaniac. Just go right on ahead and click that link for the prior story. You know you want to. I’ll wait.

And now that you’re caught up with that, let me tell you about my little adventure. Yesterday, I was happily working outside on an unseasonal sixty some degree day and trying to get my Christmas lights up and such. Low and behold, not one, but TWO strings of lights decided to commit suicide over the winter, while shoved in boxes above the garage and feeling unloved. These two particular sets of lights, of course, strung around the lattice of the porch and were needed in order to make my Christmas display cheery. Therefore, I was forced to throw clothes on, looking all a mess in order to get back in time to put the new lights up in the daylight, and run to the store.

While I was at the store, I ended up buying extremely cute snowflake lights that switch from white to blue and make me a million kinds of happy. That was all I was supposed to buy. I was so excited over the Christmas decorations at the store that another lady and I ended up decorating our yards together as we stood in the store in front of the wide variety or lawn ornamentation. At one point her husband even came over, said “oh gees,” and walked far, far away from us. I knew I was in trouble when I happily left the store with the lights I needed, plus a lighted window snowman, a small santa and reindeer display for the yard, and antique candle pathway lights. Oops.

When I left the light store, I ran to the store next door to pick up rug scrubber solution. I was going to explain why, but then realized that was pretty self-explanatory. I was also looking for one last gift for my mom, so as I was trolling the aisles, I came across some holiday throw rugs that were on sale. Ours are getting so old that they no longer lay flat on the ground like a rug should do, and their hobbies now enjoy tripping us as we walk and entangling a cat within them. I’m pretty sure they laugh, too. Our human ears just can’t hear it.

Anyway, seeing how cheap these rugs were on sale, I snatched one of those suckers up, put it in my cart, and was immediately distracted by something else that I wanted for my mom like it was shiny, even though it was not. I threw it in the cart on top of the rug I had bought, and then realized that the rugs were a two-for sale, and with the points I had on my card, they’d be two for five dollars, and who can pass up a deal like that? Not me, so I grabbed another one. I then looked around for a present for a friend and went to the front to wait in line. Since there was only one register open, I waited for twenty minutes just to get to the check out. Seeing as it was the Saturday after Thanksgiving, this was not wise on their part, but I digress. When I did finally make it to the check out, the woman and I chatted as I got checked out, and I watched her scan my items. She picked up both of my rugs separately, scanned them separately, and put them back into the buggy separately. I collected my purchases an went on my way.

Later, as I was unloading my purchases, I picked up both rugs, together, and the one item I had put in, that same thin little item for my mom that I threw in between my rug excitement, fell out and onto the ground. It wasn’t in a bag. I pulled out my receipt, having forgotten totally about it and not remembering the woman scanning it, to find that she had not scanned it. In fact, even though she had picked up both rugs separately, I had not seen it and forgotten about it until just that moment. I have no idea how it was missed and didn’t fall out sooner. Logistically, it makes no sense. It was one of those magical things like how, when my family and myself arrived home from a shopping trip, this reindeer stuffed animal that I wanted and my mom and grandma told me they couldn’t afford ended up in the bags when we got home and no one had paid for it or known how it got there. That was twenty years ago, and to this day it still befuddles us.

And, as I was standing there in awe of this seemingly mysterious event, that’s when I realized that I was now officially an accidental kleptomaniac. And here I was with Aunt Bev just six months ago wondering how in the heck that even happens. Now, just as Aunt Bev has done, I will right my wrong. I feel so dirty having stolen merchandise, even though I didn’t purposely steal it. But I will go back and pay for it and explain what happened while handing over my $3.49 and hope that no one arrests me or exiles me from the store. They don’t arrest you for three-dollars and forty-nine cents, right? Especially when you go back and pay for it. Now I’m thinking like Aunt Bev. But what makes this even funnier is I have enough points with this store to pay for it, so I’m going to go back and go “Hi, I accidentally stole this, but I have enough points to pay for it, so I didn’t really come back to pay for it in cash, but to redeem my points on it.” That should be beyond awkward. Maybe I’ll just hand them money.

After I finally got over the shock of being an accidental criminal, I decided to hang the lights. As is par for the course with any time I attempt to put lights up, I didn’t buy enough. To be fair, I had done that on purpose, planning to use another set of snowman lights I had in between the snowflake lights, so that the snowman were flanked in snowflakes. It ended up being a lot cuter in my head than it actually was, so today I had to run back out and get more snowflake lights and find a new home for the snowmen. On a good note, I had a $10 coupon, which, since the lights were on sale, paid for my last box.

After my purchase, I merrily came home and used my Christmas spirit to finish lighting up the house. At least that’s how it was supposed to go and went in my head. The snowflake lights went up like champs, and I nearly sang Christmas carols to them in delight, but stopped seeing as I was outside and might assault the horses across the street with my bizarre singing of the carols. After that, I delightfully started to go through the outside lights for our one tree display. An hour later, one strand in the garbage, and nearly fifty burnt out bulbs, I had two strands of lights to use. Yes, it was absolutely as pathetic as it sounds. To make it more pathetic, it wasn’t supposed to rain today, but did. After it got dark, it stopped raining and warmed up, so then there I was outside like a loon putting up Christmas lights in the dark. I would, in fact, be that crazy neighbor everyone talks about and stares at, but just for today. Usually that honor goes to our neighbor who is high all the time. I don’t know if I should feel honored or insulted that I one-upped her.

And when I thought the fun with lights was over, I noticed my strand of lights for the regular Christmas tree was half burned out and completely unfixable. Just half. Now I have to go back out to get more Christmas lights. In retrospect, I did this to myself, because I should have checked the Christmas tree lights out, too, but since the tree wasn’t up and I hadn’t gotten in the box with the indoor lights yet, it was an out of sight and out of mind issue. So with all my light issues, when I noticed two small lights burned out on the strand on my railing, I just shook my hand at them and went in the house. These Christmas lights are much smarter than me. But I learned an important lesson today: When you start calling the Christmas lights smarmy little jerks, it’s time to put down the electrical tape walk away.

When I walked away, I came inside and went into my room. My first thought upon entering was “Oh my damn, something smells nasty.” My second thought was to find that smell. When I did locate the smell, this is what I found.

Yeah, Folks, at one time, in another life, that was the box to my dehumidifier. The dehumidifier is fine. Go figure. This box is, however, toast. To add insult to injury, this isn’t even my dehumidifier. It was Aunt Bev’s, and she had lent it to me to try and help with my mold problem. To add injury to a pre-existing injury that was already aggravated by insult, this baby was sitting all on its lonesome and apparently decided, without touching anything else in the room except the floor, that it was just going to go right on ahead and not only melt, but somehow manage to collect any random dog hair that was floating around the room. For an inanimate object, it sure is a crafty little sucker.