The Day That Two Absentminded People Equaled One Half of a Normal Person – In Public

I’ve learned several life lessons from Aunt Bev. None greater than “If someone is weird at twenty, they are three times weirder at sixty. Think about that when you date someone.” There was no way I wasn’t passing that one along.

Now that I’ve gotten your attention, let me share the ways my life currently thinks it is hilarious. People on Craigslist who email me to ask me if I still have an item, but never email me back once I tell them I do? Check. A car insurance agent that gave me incorrect information about my car insurance payment and has me scrambling to come up with more money than I was told I would have to? Check. Paranormal problems that are causing a connection to someone that is making me super sick? Check. Finding myself eyeballs deep in dog cookies? Check. A ceiling that is caving in and walls full of mold that are causing us to have to have our whole house literally ripped apart and put back together? Check. Having awkward conversations with people in your life because you say inappropriate things to each other? Check. Getting myself into a big mess? Check. Having an awesome dog named Greta Hayley laying beside me to cuddle with? Check.

Truth be told, even with all of those things going on, I’ve sat down to write a post several times, but was unsure of how to follow up the last post. A situation worthy of the last post fell into my lap. It was a learning situation for the ages, and one that told me I had found my own ground. It needed written about and shared, and we all know that I have a no holds barred attitude about that sort of thing. The fact that I decided against writing about it is a testament to the relationship I have with the other person involved. Writing about it would mean betraying someone and their trust, so ultimately I decided against it for the sake of their relationship and ours.

Basically, now I’ve got no good material. All I’ve got are emails from Aunt Bev and stories of the day we spent together. Hold onto your hats, we’re going for a ride.

Last week, we shared an email conversation concerning what day we were going to get together. Ultimately, Aunt Bev decided Thursday would be better than Wednesday, because there was a windstorm coming in Wednesday and she was concerned we would be blown away and end up in Afghanistan. Naturally, I told her that may not be such a bad thing because there could be some cute soldiers in Afghanistan that could protect us and we could fall madly in love with them. She decided we should get blown away to an island instead. We still went out on Thursday.

Today, she emailed me about Shaun White. Apparently I’ve accidentally convinced my 66 year old Aunt Bev to be ShaunWhiteSexual. She literally emailed me about his hair, you guys. I just like his personality. This is getting very awkward.

We spent our Thursday together last week, as a previously mentioned. I forgot five things on my way to her house, only four of which I remember that I forgot. She wasn’t faring much better, yet we still decided to go into public together. This was clearly a wonderful idea for anyone who needed a laugh.

We went to Giant Eagle to fill ink cartridges. It was the guy who works in the photo and ink department’s day off. Neither of us called to check.

We went to Target. I did okay, but Aunt Bev had a thousand and seven coupons to go with her one that let her get $10 off if she spent $40 on cat food and litter. Coupons were thrown all over the place, totals were added wrong, a poor kid stocking shelves was pulled into the situation and it was pretty much a half an hour of utter catastrophe. But she saved $28. That’s all that counts, right?

We went to PetSmart. We stared at the area where cat wormer was. We didn’t see cat wormer. We involved an employee. It was exactly in the area we had spent five minutes staring into the abyss of and missed it. Then we debated cat wormer for another ten minutes, even though they only had two kinds. Aunt Bev couldn’t find her PetSmart card. We got out of there without injuring anything but our own common sense.

We went to TGIFridays. The menus were different, the waiter was confusing, we had no coupons, I drank too much soda, and we had conversations about Bible studies, doctor’s offices, inappropriate relationships, exes and Shaun White’s hair. All of those things go together, right?

We went back to Giant Eagle because it occurred to us that we needed cake. We went through every single one of the cakes once to find the one with the latest expiration date, and then again to find the one with the most icing. We then weighed the pros and cons of both and ended up with a cake with the most icing. Aunt Bev is diabetic.

We went to Walgreen’s. There were almost no mishaps. Then we went to the checkout. The well built, fabulously lovely gay man opened the register across from us, calling us over since we were next in line. In an immediate rush to want to friend him, I started walking toward him. Aunt Bev, not paying attention, started walking forward. We smacked into each other, I turned her around, and the poor man had to keep from laughing at us out of professional politeness and whatnot. She had also couldn’t find her Walgreen’s card, but when it was all said and done, she had a coupon that made her item free.

After that we went home. We know better than to test fate. It’s amazing that there’s not some kind of law about us going out in public together. Between the two of us, we couldn’t even make a half of a person that day. Sheesh.

A Tutorial Taste, Crazy Coupons and Stranded, Broken Feet

Yesterday, I was talking about doing a makeup tutorial / experiment. I filmed said tutorial and experiment today, and the first video is in the process of uploading to YouTube. Because I had super excited kitties who wanted to be stars, I have to edit the second video and upload it, which I won’t have a chance to do tonight seeing as it’s already nearly one am and I must be up in the morning. Yes, I talked so much that there’s two videos. One is an introduction to what I’m doing, plus a hair tutorial, and the other focuses on the makeup, and also is inspired by and uses this tutorial by DiamondsandHeels14. I don’t do a tutorial on her tutorial, I just use one of her tutorials to do my makeup and show you how it turned out, because her tutorials are awesome, though I am not as great of a makeup artist as her. Even though nothing is ready to post quite yet, I wanted to give you all a little taste of what’s to come, plus tell you two fun little stories.

As for the videos, which I’ll hopefully have time to complete in the insanity that will be tomorrow, here is a before shot, with no makeup and me still in my pajamas with no hair done at all. It’s embarrassing and empowering all at one time. It’s strange that way.

Most unflattering picture ever, right? See what I do for you guys? I don’t take picture and then have to use a screen cap that makes me look like I’m falling asleep, which I kind of was.

And here is the after. It’s kind of been decided that I look like the dark haired version of Parker from Leverage in this makeup, instead of like Taylor Swift.

I have a lot more pictures to come with the video. My tutorial shows you how to do this look, originally done by DiamondsandHeels14, without the proper tools and makeup, and also shows the cheap girl with clear skin’s way of doing concealer, and also how to cover up Rosacea and pooling from blood disorders on the face. Hopefully I will have that tutorial done tomorrow.

Now for the stories.

I have to admit it guys, I’ve become the Crazy Coupon Lady. I could deny it right up until today when I held up a line at the register unintentionally because there wasn’t another one open, and then was applauded by the people I had held up because of all the money I saved. At first I thought they were applauding because I was done, but then they started asking me questions about how I saved that much money and I realized I had reached the status I most feared. I’m kind of embarrassed and kind of proud. I’m not one of those people who gets a billion things for free, but I think when you can knock half off of your bill, that’s a glorious moment. I also don’t spend more than three hours a week couponing, so I’m happy with the deals I get. That being said, here’s what happened for those of you who are interested in couponing.

I went into PetSmart to get dog food and dog treats. I’ve come to find that PetSmart has some of the best deals and otherwise gets a bad rap, but if you catch them at the right time, there are deals to be had. I had coupons for the treats and a five dollar Holiday Buck store coupon for the food. When I went into the store there were coupons sitting on a table, coupons that weren’t on their website or in their papers, and since one pertained to my purchase of dog food, I picked it up. There were also 15% off coupons good on my entire purchase sitting there, so I took one of those.

When I got back to the dog food, it happened to be on sale that week, and they were offering more Holiday Bucks, which was five dollars in coupon form that printed out on your receipt to use on your next PetSmart purchase of Purina products. The deal was supposed to end last month, but I was thrilled to see it hadn’t. I picked up my dog food, which was normally $28.99, but was on sale for $24.99 with a PetPerks card.  I had a $5 Holiday Buck coupon from a previous purchase, plus my 15% off coupons, mixed with a coupon for two free Beneful Prepared Meals valued at $1.89 a piece with the purchase of that dog food. When I checked out, my total for the dog food and the Beneful Prepared Meals came to $18.01. The actual total should have been $34.74. I saved almost half at $16.73, plus I got a $5 Holiday Bucks coupon to use on any Purina product, such as the food I just bought, next time I’m in the store.

Seeing as the Holiday Buck deal was extended, I decided to check out some cat food while I was there, since we have taken in cats and can always use the food. The cat food was originally $12.99. It was on sale for 10.99 with a PetPerks card, plus I had the %15 percent off coupon and a second $5 Holiday Bucks coupon that I had brought with me. Instead of paying $13.79 with the tax, I ended up paying $5.79, saving myself more than half at $8. By checking out separately, I also got another Holiday Bucks coupon good for $5 off my next purchase. And I still wasn’t done.

I still had my dog treats to get, because what’s Christmas without treats for the animals? They’d just steal my gifts in protest anyway and I’d never see them again, so it’s better to appease them. As with the last transaction, I did a separate transaction for this as well. (I’m so sorry anyone who got behind me in line.) I had manufacturers coupons for the treats, as well as PetSmart ones I had picked up on my way in, and that 15% coupon, so I was set. I picked up one dog treat for $5.99 and three for $3.99 to appease the guidelines on the coupons I had. The $5.99 treat was on sale with a PetSmart card for $3.50, and the $3.99 treats were on sale for the same price with a card. I had a dollar off of two treats, a dollar off of one treat, and a buy one get one free coupon. I was able to mix and match the dollar off and the bogo since one was a manufacturers coupon and one was a store coupon and I met the requirements of the coupons with what I bought. Mix that with the 15% off, and I could use the $5 Holiday Bucks from my previous purchase on them, bringing my total to $3.15. My total should have been $19.04, so I saved myself well over half at $15.89.

All in all, I should have spent a grand total of $67.57. What I actually spent with all the coupons and PetPerks deals was $26.95. I saved a total of $40.62, totally legally and with hardly any time or effort put into couponing, plus I have a $5 coupon to use on my next Purina purchase. PetSmart often has deals like this, so sometimes couponing and taking a few extra minutes is more than worth it.

When I got home from all of that excitement, I was sitting here minding my own business, like I often am, only to get a text from my friend saying he was stranded with a broken foot. If you’re wondering how that happened, I’m not the only one, especially since he can’t drive, nor does he own a vehicle. Therefore, I asked him what happened. Unfortunately for him, my one friend who is sick happened to be on medication for her flu and thought this was the funniest thing ever. Thinking back, it is pretty darn funny. Just not to him. And I sure as heck wouldn’t be happy if it happened to me. In fact, I think he handled it well what with not crying and staying calm. But here’s the story and you can judge for yourself. It’s so tragic and so funny at the same time that I just don’t know where to go on it.

Today, my friend was moving a couch. It fell on his foot in a Laurel and Hardy worthy moment, breaking it. As he flailed around, he had to find someone to take him to MedExpress, and even if he could drive, he would have still needed someone to take him because he needed that foot to drive. He arrives at MedExpress where his friend is forced to leave him to do things. On his friend’s way back to pick him up, his friend is in a car accident and is unable to pick him up. MedExpress is now closing and kicks him out, forcing him to go and sit in the Verizon store next door, or, as his iPhone autocorrected, the verisimilitude store. (I had to Google it, too. It means the quality of realism in something. So he’s in the realism store. So not right, especially since he has a broken foot and is stranded, so things just got pretty real.) He’s desperately trying to find someone to come and get him before the Verizon store closes in 32 minutes. He texts me. Because of my medical problems, I can’t drive that far to pick him up per doctor’s orders, plus, I get all wonky and disoriented when I try. So because he broke his foot, he’s now stranded because his friend was in an accident and his other friend is too sick to pick him up. Do you see the irony in this? All because of a couch attack.

He did finally get someone to pick him up, but it was down to the wire and was nearly two hours past when he was first stranded until he got home. He’ll laugh about it one day. One day. Not soon.