The Return of Crazy Bed Lady

Y’all, remember the crazy Craigslist lady who wanted my bed? She was the one that I told you all about in this post? She did the unexpected and, instead of telling me she couldn’t get the bed if I didn’t meet her with it, therefore ending the conversation, she decided to do something much ruder. She told me she was going to see if the furniture fit in her van and get back to me, and even though I asked her if she obtained the amount of money I was asking for the bed and reiterated that I would not take what she was offering, she never answered me. I knew something was up. That was three weeks ago. I heard not a peep from her and felt all the relief that Shaun White felt when the Olympics were over, he went home, and people stopped giving him constant shit.

Then she emailed me again tonight.

Cue the horror movie music now.

She asked me if I still had the bed. I told her I did. I about face palmed a million face palms, because I knew she was going somewhere out of this world stupid with this. After all, wasn’t she supposed to be getting back to me about it fitting in her van? I gave her the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe things happen and she was really busy these past three weeks and hadn’t had a chance to take measurements until now. I told her I did still have the bed. I knew I shouldn’t have. I totally knew better, you guys, because I could feel it in my butt, which is bigger than my gut and more accurate, that this was going south of the Equator in four seconds flat.

As expected, she emailed me back, but again asked me if I would take way less than what I was asking for the bed. We had been over this. I was done going over this with her. I had told her point blank I would not take that for the bed before, end of discussion. At least it would have been for normal, sane and polite people. We’ve established this woman possesses none of these qualities, so she chose to play the “I don’t remember talking to you before,” card. This was more entertaining than two snails racing each other after accidentally falling into a puddle of Jagermeister, because she had emailed me by replying to a previous email I had sent her.

At this point I was over the entire situation. I had played nice with her through a dozen emails, the run around, and a whole lot of dumb, but as I had always known but hadn’t had proof of until just this second, she knew exactly what she was doing. I politely told her that she had replied to a previous email and knew we had talked, and she also knew that I had clearly told her I would not take the price she was offering for the bed. I was in no hurry to get rid of the bed and would prefer to give it plenty of time to sell in clear weather, when the roads aren’t constantly being shut down because of the snow, at the fair price I was asking. Apparently I’m an awful person for nicely setting her straight after politely tolerating all her bullshit.

Naturally, the way she chose to handle this was by telling me it was my loss for not taking her much lower offer and that I didn’t have to be rude to her about it. Forget that she had been rude to me this entire time by giving me the run around when she had just made it clear to me that she had no intentions of buying the bed unless she could get it for a price that I already told her she could not buy it for. She even went as far as to tell me she was going to borrow money from someone to get the bed. So yes, you guys, I’m totally the rude one here, I admit it.

I figured since she decided I was rude anyway, I was going to actually be rude and tell her off, because one woman can only take so much of someone’s crap, and my limit was met after a month and a dozen or so emails that ended in her telling me off because I wouldn’t let her rip me off. I tactfully used the “iron fisted velvet glove” approach at telling her off, a tactic that has been patented throughout the generations by every good southern woman on God’s green earth. I told her it was not my loss that I refused to be ripped off by her, when she clearly could not afford what I was selling. I explained that I didn’t appreciate her giving me the run around when I had so clearly told her in the second email, a full month back, that I would not take the price she was offering me. I did not appreciate that she continued emailing and giving me the go round round as if she were actually going to purchase the bed at the asking price, with no intentions of buying the bed for any price but the one I told her I would not take. I pointed out how she had given me the run around by asking me if I would meet her with the bed, and also saying she didn’t know if she could fit the bed in her van, after both the measurements and the terms of the sale were stated in the ad, so neither should have been an issue. I ended in telling her that I didn’t appreciate her waiting three weeks to email me again, after leading me to believe she was going to get back to me about if the bed fit in her vehicle or not, only to have her start trying to get the bed for the price I told her I would not take all over again. I was looking for serious buyers only. To be nice, I even thanked her for wasting my time.

Then I turned her into Craigslist for spam and harassment, because Momma don’t play that game. This was directly after I blocked her email. I’ve tried to explain this repeatedly to an ex who wouldn’t step the back off and has deservingly earned himself the nickname Norman Bates. I’ve said it once, a thousand times, and I’ll say it again.

I’m a little like Taylor Swift in the way that I always get the last word.